Reevaluation

I've been very good about sticking to my plan of running three times a week, and I made it to the gym four days!  (My youngest has had a low grade fever so we didn't go Friday.)  Even with all these fantastic workouts, I've GAINED 3 lbs in a week!

I've pushed myself hard this week. On Monday I ran and then did an intense lower body and ab workout. Tuesday I walked for an hour and lifted heavy weights for back and core. Wednesday I could barely move, literally, so I started out the day with 30 minutes of yoga (before the kids got up!). Then I went to the gym and did arms and swam laps. Thursday I did yoga, ran and did legs again.  Friday was a rest day and today I ran. Each day I also made it a point to walk 40 - 60 minutes with my kids (even Friday). With all that, I STILL gained. I'm so discouraged. 

My eating hasn't been the best. I made the mistake of buying nuts and animal crackers and have binged on both (mostly the animal crackers). I now know I won't be able to keep them in the house. :(

I mentally know that part of that 3 lbs is probably water weight, but I can't handle the gain. My weight just seems to keep creeping up instead of going down. I can't handle the gain mentally, even if it's just retained water, and fear that it will send me into poorer eating habits. So for now, I will be giving up on weight training. 

I read a blog regularly that is pro heavy lifting and boy does the writer look fantastic. They often say...sure you can lose weight just through cardio, but you will just be a smaller version of your flabby self (not a direct quote). At this point, I'll take the smaller version of my flabby self. It beats a larger version of myself any day. :(  So for now, I'll put the weights down and will continue with cardio. I'll also be adding yoga as I've fallen in love with it. Once I'm a smaller version, I'll then concentrate on lifting. 

So that's the game plan for now. Oh yeah, I'm adding a challenge this week too. No alcohol!  I've taken to having a glass of wine (and the obligatory snack that goes with it) every night once the kids are in bed. I need to cut this 280 calories out, so I'm challenging myself not to drink this week. I'll keep you up to date with how that goes!

Extended Stay

For the past 3 weeks we've had my in-laws from England staying with us. No, this isn't a bash my in-laws post, I actually love spending time with them. They're two of the kindest, insightful, funniest people I know. When I spend time with them I get to see where all of my husband's wonderful qualities come from!

There is a downside though, I didn't eat my best when they were here. Not their fault. I'm the one unable to say no to great food. This is the reason I don't normally keep it in the house. However, they're in their 70's, still very active for their age, but LOVE good food. My father-in-law has a sweet spot for good cheeses and my mother-in-law bakes fantastic desserts. ...and they're English, so there's always biscuits (cookies) in the house to go with tea. All things I have a hard time resisting. 

Now that I'm not working out of the house, I thought I'd be well on my way to shedding pounds and getting off this plateau. Instead, my eating has been horrible. Luckily, they like to walk, so we got in at least an hour of walking each day, which kept my weight relatively stable. 

Yesterday I got back on track with going to the gym and eating better. I did well with last month's baby step of getting 10,000 steps at least 4 days a week. This month I'm going to keep that baby step and add running at least 3 times a week. Let's hope this moves some lbs!

Learning To Hate Running

On the way to school this morning my daughter asked me to pause her favorite song, Let It Go to tell me something. I knew shit just got serious!  Then was heart broken when she told me "I love running at recess, but hate running in gym. I'm not fast. I'm no good at running. "

This really saddened me. We had worked so hard last year to build up mileage when she started soccer so he could enjoy soccer...even training for her first race!  She really enjoyed running. I was determined not to have her grow up hating running like I did. In an attempt to address this before she hates all running, I wrote her teacher....

"Dear Mrs. Formica,

Kennedy has been showing a lot of stress when it comes to gym class and running. She's concerned that she's not fast enough. As a child who hated running, the pressure of speed made me not want to run. 

It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I finally enjoyed running. It was no longer about speed. It was about improving just a little more each time, distance, and enjoying it!  That enjoying it part, no pressure, is what finally made running fun for me. And fun running is something that I will actually do. I'm now an avid runner, logging at least 10 miles a week. This is what I want for Kennedy. 

She's never going to be a Kenyan track star, but learning how to enjoy running she can do. Last year, she and I trained for the Chicago Hot Chocolate 2 mile fun run. She enjoyed the training, and loved the "race". It was about doing something healthy and enjoying it so you want to do it again. 

I'm not saying that she shouldn't push herself some and try to improve, but it's more important for her to love running than to be a speed demon.  After all, the health benefits of running a 12:00/mile and a 6:00/mile are actually the same. 

The reason that I'm writing is that I am asking, if it's possible to focus on improving and enjoying running in gym instead of just getting faster? So we can help foster a love for running and a lifelong habit?  

Any help or insight you may have is greatly appreciated. 

Respectfully,

_______ _______"

I will not allow my daughter to give up on herself because of a focus on competition instead of health. Here's hoping her teacher can understand and see it this way too. Fingers crossed!

Smiling makes me look fat

Today I had a friend tell me that smiling makes her look fat. Now, she didn't say it in those exact words, but that's what she meant. 

I posted a Facebook status saying everyone looks better with a smile. She commented that she disagreed. When she smiled, her face looked wider. I replied that it's just science...anytime you take a round object and stretch it, it's physically wider, but wider doesn't mean worse.  ...to which she replied that to her it did. 

This saddened me greatly. She's an absolutely stunning woman. The kind that others look at and think, she's really pretty. Yet somewhere, we, as a society, have taught her that anything that makes you bigger means you're worse...even a smile. :(

This reminds me a lot of Go Kaleo's book Taking Up Space. In the book, she talks about how women are taught to not take up space, be as little as possible, be as quiet as possible, be as less of YOU as possible. Whereas men are taught to take as much space as possible. Seriously, have you ever sat next to a man on an airplane? He demands his space and often yours too!!  Think about how men and women cross their legs, women cross there's to take up less space...men, stick their knee out far past their hips, their ankle resting on their thigh, with their foot past their other hip. He's allowed to take up space. Not only is he allowed to, but he's expected to!

We've got to change how we view ourselves. We have to demand our space. Know that smiling makes EVERYONE beautiful, a wide smile does not mean you're fat! 

Hunger

I can't seem to get my hunger under control today. My stomach feels full, but I still have that nagging feeling that I want to eat.  I'm trying really hard to pay attention to what my stomach is saying because I think my mind is tired and wanting food/fuel to stay awake. I really need to start getting more sleep!

Baby Steps

I listen to Dave Ramsey's podcast every morning on my commute to work. It's a call in show based on his Financial Plan book Total Money Makeover. 

The basis of the plan is to take baby steps to get out of debt and build financial security. The steps are simple and build on each other. The idea is that you can make lots of small changes that build into larger results. It's a good basic plan to make any life changes, not just financial!

I've decided to take these baby steps and apply them to weight loss. My first baby step I'm committing to is to get at least 10,000 steps in at least 4 days a week. I have a very sedentary job, so it's a step in the right direction. 

Since my job is sedentary, I needed to figure out how to get those steps in. I set a reminder on my outlook calendar to go off every hour to remind myself to get up and move. I then walk the halls for 5 minutes...back and forth. I'm pretty sure I'm going to wear a path in the carpet!  :) While 5 minutes doesn't sound like a lot, when I do it every hour, that's 7 times a day and equals 35 minutes!  I've also added walking half an hour on my lunch break if the weather permits. That's over an hour of walking at least 5 days a week AND it really makes the day much more enjoyable. I'm very excited about this baby step and thinking about what I can do for my next baby step!

Raining

I'm an incredible optimist. I write when things are going well. When things are going bad, I tend to crawl into my own head and hold it all in. That's why I haven't written in awhile. Things have been bad. 

I've put off writing this post for almost a month now. It's hard to write about and I don't know what to say so I'll just say it. On April 12th, after a week of suffering with RSV, we lost the baby. I miscarried at 11 weeks. 

It's hard enough to miscarry, it's devastating....but then you have to tell everyone....and it's devastating all over again. The hardest part though, has been when I tell people that I miscarried after having RSV, they say "I'm sorry to hear that."  Then they quickly follow up with "I didn't know adults could get RSV". I don't know why this bothers me so much. It's like they gloss over that I've just lost a child because I was "only" 11 weeks along. I even had someone tell me "well, better now then when you were further along". Seriously?!  It doesn't feel better. The devastation and sadness feels very real to me. (And YES!...adults can get RSV. It usually presents itself as a cold, but with my severe allergies, I have a compromised immune system when it comes to respiratory illnesses, so it presents itself very similar to how it does in children.)

So that's why I've been away from writing for so long. I'm having a hard time dealing with the loss of my child, and the potential loss of having anymore. At this point, I don't ever want to chance going through something like this again. :(

In relation to the emotional cross I'm bearing, I've gained 4 lbs. I hover back and forth over that dreaded 2 point. I've got to get this under control. I'm working on a plan, but talking about weight today seems so insignificant in this post. Maybe tomorrow.