Binge Control

Today my soul focus was on not binging at work. One of my binge triggers is chocolate, and there's a 10 POUND, yes, POUND bar in the kitchen at work. One of our consultants is from Hershey, PA and brought it with her when she was here last week for the holiday party. 

I did well in the morning. I had an egg mcmuffin and I think the protein helped me from having an oatmeal carb crash (my normal breakfast). 

When I started to get hungry around 10:30, I allowed myself one serving of tortilla chips and salsa, which was left over from yesterday's lunch. The salsa was so spicy hot, it staved off a binge episode. 

Around 12:30, I decided to try the Fresh market near my work and chose brown rice sushi and a small container of cucumber salad. This grocery was a good find as it will always have healthy options for when I don't bring my lunch to work. 

After the sushi (which was pretty flavorless, I should have went with the white rice), I wasn't satisfied. I was full, but not taste bud satisfied and the chocolate called to me. 

I got a glass of water (my 6th glass by this time), and tried to postpone the binge I could feel coming on. After the water, I still wanted the chocolate. I decided to pump (I'm still nursing my son) and listen to my Quit Binge Eating podcast. This postponed it for a little while, but I finally gave in to one piece of chocolate. 

As I was eating the one piece, I realized I was craving another...while I was still chewing the first piece!  I found myself grabbing another piece and I looked around the kitchen for a solution. I ate a tortilla chip to get the sweet taste out of my mouth, hoping that would help. Nope. Then I looked at the coffee pot. I decided to stick the piece of chocolate that was in my hand in a coffee cup, and poor coffee over top. This have me a little of the chocolate taste, and the time it took to drink the coffee was enough time to avoid a major binge. So, while I didn't have the control to not eat two pieces of chocolate, I did come up with a Now solution that made me stop the binge. 

Im happy I didn't binge. I'm going to try this technique next time and see if it works again!

Office Food

Yesterday was a bust. I'm so over Holiday office treats. The past week has been so full of chocolates, cookies, and candied popcorn from Vendors. I'm a sucker for assorted chocolates, or any chocolate for that matter, so it's been a very hard week. 

Yesterday, I tried really hard to resist the food table. I started with a high protein breakfast to make sure my hunger was manageable. It worked for the morning, but I got caught up in finishing a project that was due and soon it was almost 1:30...the time that the café closes. I went and got a salad, filling it with grilled chicken so the protein would tide me over for the rest of the day. When I got to my desk and took a bite of the salad, something was off. The chicken was bad!  By this time the café was closed, and I hadn't brought my lunch....AND I was starving. I decided to hit up the work food table, which had been picked over and all the healthy options were gone. :(  Once I started on the cookies and chocolates, I couldn't stop. :(

I'm so glad the Holiday season is almost over. Thank goodness we bought a treadmill and I've been able to run during this time. It's the only thing that has kept me from gaining weight over the past two weeks!

I do not fear the pain

I know for a lot of people, the discomfort of working out is a huge obstacle to getting healthy.  That's not the case for me.  I've always enjoyed the sore muscles.  For me, it's a sign that I pushed myself.  Now, I'm not talking about injury pain, I've been through that.  I mean sore muscle pain.  However, I've never extended this feeling to lung pain...until now.

I've always hated how my lungs burn after a run.  It was uncomfortable, and it's held me back from really pushing myself until recently.  I read an article on Runs For Cookies where she talks about running in the cold and burning lungs.  It got me thinking more about why they "burn", and not just when running in the cold, but anytime you push yourself.  It dawned on me that lungs are a muscle, and when you use those muscles more than you do normally, you are exercising that muscle.  The lung pain is just like any other muscle pain.  It's a sign that I pushed myself, and that I can be proud of!

On a side note, I'm also proud of my after run snack.  I'm such a cookie/carb addict and it's normally my go-to snack.  Yesterday though, I grabbed an apple instead!  And for that, I'm going to give myself a pat on the back.  :)

Something To Talk About

For years I never discussed weight and foods with my daughter. Well, at least not in any real context. We talked about healthy foods verses unhealthy foods and being able to identify them. Fruits and vegetables were healthy, bacon and salami were not healthy. That was the extent of our conversations. I also didn't use the word "fat" around her. I didn't want to perpetuate the body image issues that are so prevalent in our media.

My intentions were good. However, over the years, I've realized how little I, myself, knew about health. As I learned more, I realized that I would have had a much easier, healthier road if I were taught these things growing up. So, I changed my stance. I realized I needed to prepare her for a healthy life. So we began to talk. We talked about foods, calories as energy, micro (Vitamins) AND macro nutrients (protein vs carbohydrates). We talked about how each affects insulin levels and how insulin affects how you feel. We started talking about BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate - the caloric intake your body needs to function just to keep your heart, kidneys, liver, etc working properly...if you just laid in bed all day).  We even calculated her BMR. Then I taught her about TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure - the amount of calories needed to walk to the refrigerator, take a shower, play a game, read, ride her bike...basically anything other than just sleeping). Then we talked about how much energy (calories) were needed to do each activity. We talked about how heart rate rises and falls with each activity. I put on my heart rate monitor and showed her my heart rate as I laid down. Then I stood up and showed her how it raised a little because standing takes more energy than lying. Then I walked and showed her how it raised again, then ran and showed her how it raised more. Then I stopped, an she saw how it lowered as less energy was expended. We talked about heart rate and calories and how they were both measurements of energy expended. 

Lastly, I introduced her to choices. She now had her TDEE, and we talked about dividing them up over the day to give us energy when we'll need it. We talked about snacks and how they help keep your insulin levels from spiking. We also talked about how protein was a longer lasting fuel than carbohydrates, and would keep her insulin more leveled, but how carbohydrates were good quick burned fuel if she needed energy fast. So we talked about balance....the need for protein AND carbohydrates..AND EVEN fats (fat is essential for brain function).  I explained to her that living in a very wealthy country meant that she would have an abundance of options...and she would have to make choices from those options. 

We now put our lessons into our lives. When we go out to eat we talk about our days activity plan. Will it be a lazy movie day, or will we be going to the park to play?  How will we need to fuel that activity?  Once we have a targeted calorie range, we talk about what she wants to eat. When she wanted the chocolate chip pancakes, I said ok. How much of it can you have?  When she found out that half of the pancake would be her total breakfast calories, they didn't look as appealing. She wanted the whole pancake. I then reminded her that a pancake doesn't have any protein, and we could also take this as an opportunity to get in some fruits or vegetables.  The more we looked at the menu, I geared her towards the silver dollar pancakes. I told her I would split the order with her, and we could add fresh strawberries on top and add the turkey bacon.

We now continue to do this with most meals. With going out to eat, we try to incorporate one healthy with one treat. For example, if she gets the chicken tenders (she is still a kid!), then she gets a Caesar salad with it instead of the fries. If she really wants fries, then she can get them and have the tomato soup instead of the tenders. 

The important thing isn't which combination she chooses, or if she chooses right 100% of the time. The important part is that I'm providing her the tools she needs to live a healthy, long life. 

Mind over Matter

I have felt fat all week because I've been eating at my TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) of 2,000 calories instead of at the Weight Watcher's suggested Point value for me...averages to about 1,600 calories for this breast feeding momma. 

I've been reading about Eating More to Weigh Less to increase your metabolism and how it will help you get over a plateau, and no matter what I read, it's hard to get my brain to get past the mindset that I have to have myself in a serious calorie deprivation in order to lose weight (which is not sustainable long term). It's years of bad dieting advice that still affects my mood to this day...which is why I've felt fat all week. :(  Imagine my surprise when I finally stepped on the scale and had actually LOST weight!  

It's going to take time to get my mindset changed...and it makes me mad that, in this day and age, our understanding of health and metabolism is so off base. 

No, I really AM sick

No running today. I woke up not just kinda sick, but really sick...achy, tired, run down. I was also up with the baby last night a lot. He's sick too. :(

Today has been a horrible day food wise. We really need to go to the grocery store, so there's not a lot of options in the house and the ones that sound good are not good for me. 

I always feel ravenous when I'm sick. No matter what I eat, it doesn't seem to hit the spot, and I'm hungry again immediately after eating it. 

All I want to do is take NyQuil and go to bed for a few days, but I'm still nursing, so NyQuil is not a real option.  And until the baby is old enough to care for himself, there's no sleeping the day away either. 

We'll be staying home tomorrow and going to the doctor. Hopefully it's nothing too serious, but the baby does now have bumps all over. We were going to take him to the emergency room tonight, but while the husband shoveled the snow, I called the doctor and they think it's fine to just bring him in the morning...unless his fever increases. 

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. 

Sick

I woke up sick this morning. I have a sore throat, runny nose, and overall I just feel achy. I looked up the weather, trying to give myself an excuse not to run, and saw it was 3 degrees Fahrenheit. Despite both obstacles, I knew I needed to go run anyway. I didn't run on Wednesday, so I had to run today to get my 6 miles a week in. 

I suited up...tights, long sleeve tech shirt, fleece jacket, hat and gloves and grabbed my phone, armband, and headphones and headed out the door before I changed my mind. 

It was cold. Like..oh my f'n god cold. I figured I'd warm up soon, but by 0.25 miles my face was freezing and I had forgot my gum. (I chew gum while running in the teeth to prevent tooth dehydration, which causes sore teeth.). I decided to head back home and lather my face in petroleum jelly to protect it from the cold and grab a piece of gum. 

The jelly and gum worked and I felt much more comfortable. I ran 4 miles and every single step was hard. It was nothing like my run last week, which was enjoyable and easier than I thought it would be. Instead, I could feel that I was sick and every step took a lot of effort. I ended up running the 4 miles in 51 minutes. 

The rest of the day kind of sucked. I was sick, tired, and short with my kids. I attempted to take a nap around 4, and kept getting woke up by my daughter and her friend downstairs. Needless to say, I woke up in just as crappy of a mood. Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow and wake up on the other side of the bed!

Failed Challenge

Well, hello. It feels like forever since I've been on here. I promise to try and do better. I always feel like I have to plan out a big blog and be organized to post, and when I can't give the time or energy, I feel like I can't post.  I'm going to attempt to just post like a diary and try to keep it up. 

The 20 day challenge ended somewhere around day 12. I just got bored with it...oh yeah, and I got a job, so I've had a hard time keeping up with running. 

I've got a goal to run 3 times a week. I've done pretty good with it. I've been running both Saturday and daub day and one week day. The problem is that it's dark when I run during the week and I'm fearful of being murdered!  

I've been eyeing a treadmill on Amazon since going back to work, and Black Friday weekend it went on sale for $250 off!  I couldn't pass it up, so I got it. It's the ProForm 995c and it's supposed to be delivered today between 2-6! 

I'll still run on the weekends outside. I much prefer running outside...even in this 15 degree weather!  I've asked for some cold running gear for Christmas, so I'm hoping that will help with the cold. 

Well, I better get ready to run if I'm going to get 3.75 miles in before the kids' swim lessons. 

Today's weigh in:  193.6 

No Weigh In

Since I'm doing the 20 day challenge, I've decided to trust calorie counting. As long as I'm not going over my calories, there's no reason I shouldn't be losing 1-2 pounds a week, so I've decided to not weigh myself until the end of the challenge. This will be really hard since I usually weigh myself at least twice a day, once in the morning and once before bed. I'm resisting the urge right now, because I know I've done we'll with my eating and it always feels good to see the numbers going down. I will resist though. 

I read a few health blogs and one of the questions I see over and over again is "How late do you eat your last meal?"  I think people ask this because of the study that came out in 2009 that showed that mice that ate during their normal sleep time (since they're nocturnal, this would have been during the day!) had a 48% increase in body weight. The problem with this study is that it's never been replicated in humans and that it doesn't take into consideration eating calories evenly spread out through the day. 

From my experience, it's not what time I eat that causes over eating, it's waiting until I'm starving or getting overly tired that increases the amount I eat. If I'm tired, my body needs energy, and it seeks that energy in food and THAT will cause me to over eat. I'm a firm believer that eating less calories than your body uses in a day will always (metabolic issues aside) result in weight loss. It's that simple...eat less, move more. I've found that for me, as long as I eat evenly throughout the day (not hoarding all of my calories for the end of the day), that it doesn't matter how late I eat. Sometimes we don't have dinner until 8pm! 

2 days down, 18 more to go!

20 day challenge

I'm more than halfway through the week, and so far I've done well sticking to my training plan.  On Monday, I cross trained by swimming 1/2 a mile.  Tuesday, I ran on the treadmill for 2 miles, did a ton of stretching to help my plantar fasciitis, and strength trained my legs.  I also ran a mile with my daughter when she got home from school.  Wednesday was abs, arms, and more swimming.  Today's workout was another 2 miles on the treadmill at a 12 minute/mile and lower body strength training.

My exercise is going well, and my eating was a lot better yesterday.  I even weighed myself and was back down to 196.4 lbs.  I do much better with eating well on days that I workout, but I need a little more motivation, so I've given myself a 20 day challenge.  I so badly want a Garmin watch.  I had planned on asking for one for Christmas, but it's an expensive present and I've already asked for another expensive present (a really nice digital camera).  I've decided that if I can stay within my calorie range for 20 days, I'm going to ask for BOTH presents! 

I never ask for anything expensive because I grew up poor and still live in the mindset that I don't deserve presents.  Growing up, our presents came from the local fire department's toy drive, so I've always felt guilty spending money on myself.  When I go shopping, I always buy everyone else something.  I've even gone shopping numerous times with the explicit instructions from the hubs to get myself some new clothes, and come back with absolutely nothing for myself, but bags of clothes for the kids.  I once wanted a 2" curling iron that was $30, and made myself wait almost a YEAR until I felt I had waited long enough and could finally buy it for myself.  I have no problem giving to charity, friends, my daughter's school...anyone but me.  Since I'm not working currently, I feel even less deserving of buying myself things.  So, I figure if I can set this goal for myself, then I will have earned the Garmin watch. 

One day down....19 to go!

Running with plantar fasciitis

After not running for 2 weeks, and then taking it easy (read falling off the exercise wagon), my plantar fasciitis has decided not to go away, instead, it likes it's new home.

I've been researching how to heal PF and I get two differing ideas. The first is to give up running. Well, that's not going to happen if I want to get this weight off, so option two is to stretch, stretch, stretch.  Option two it is. 

Remember last time I said I made a commitment that will force (motivate?) me to run regularly?  Well, I've committed to running the Chicago 1/2 Marathon in May with my friend Jessica!

Jessica and I haven't seen each other in about 5 years.  We met each other when our husbands were both in the Army and in the same unit. I had decided to go back to school for a degree that would actually get me a job.  She was already a year into the program that I was starting. 

When I met her, it was at a unit meeting, and I thought she was shy. That couldn't have been farther from the truth. She was outgoing once she knew someone, and best of all...she was fun!  We ended up having a ton in common. We're both self professed nerds who love numbers and math, and have similar OCD tendencies. We also both had an enormous love for (read addiction) Starbucks!  As moms of toddlers, more than full time students (20+ credit hours!), whose husbands were deployed, Starbucks (and each other) were our lifeline. 

Five years ago when I would ask Jessica to run with me, she would always joke that she didn't run unless someone was chasing her. Something happened last year though. I don't know what it was, but she gave up smoking...and Starbucks...and she started the Couch 2 5K program!  She's done VERY well with the program...and she's FAST!  As a beginner, she's running close to a 10 min/mile. I can only imagine how fast she's going to be. 

In order to stay motivated to run through the winter, she's signed up for two 5Ks. One of her 5K's is the same day I'm running the Chicago Hot Chocolate run with my daughter, November 3rd.  She wanted to schedule a race every month during the winter, to motivate her to run through the winter months.  I suggested she run a Half Marathon with me.  One that was a destination, so we could travel to it, stay in a hotel, have a girl's weekend, get massages after the race, and eat GOOD sushi!  Jessica is the one that got me to like sushi, and I've been in love with it every since.

We both got on the computer and started looking at Half Marathons online.  We wanted one in the spring before it got too hot, and one that was relatively flat.  Both of us live in parts of the U.S. where there aren't hills to train on, so we didn't want to kill ourselves on race day; having not prepared for hills.  We decided on Chicago.  I wrote out a training plan, and we start training the week after our November 5k.  We're both very excited and hope that it will keep us running through the winter.

Back On Track?

The past few days have been a lot better than the previous week.  My eating has gotten back on track, and I so badly want to keep it that way.  I had stepped out of ONEderland for a day, but I'm back down into it.  I'm trying to give myself motivation, so I keep thinking that it's almost winter (my favorite time of year), and I will soon need to fit back into my ski pants!  Skiing is my very favorite activity, but I couldn't do it last year because I was pregnant.  So, I'm so excited to get back to it!

One way I've gotten my eating back under control is by being super busy.  We had a Girl Scout meeting on Tuesday night, and it was the first I'd be leading for the Brownies.  I spent four hours Tuesday reading and planning the lesson for the night.  It was so much fun, but also so much more work than I thought it would be. 

Wednesday was just as busy.  I had a meeting in the morning with the bank and the other co-leader to take care of our Troop account.  Then I had lunch with a former co-worker that was about an hour away.  It was so much fun!  I miss having candid chats where I can just be my outrageous, crazy self.  Later that night, I had a Girl Scout leader meeting until 8:00pm.  I kind of felt bad for the hubs because as he walked through the door, I handed him the baby and yelled over my shoulder as I left that the Chicken Curry and rice were on the stove and he'd have to finish cooking them.  At the leader meeting, I learned that I didn't know diddly about Girl Scouts, despite all of the reading I did on Tuesday.  One of the lessons I had planned for the next meeting might not be a Go because the badge for it may not be still available.  I guess it was a specialty badge for last year's 100 year birthday of the Girl Scouts.  :(

Yesterday was a VERY good day for my eating.  By the time dinner was complete, I realized I had almost 200 calories left.  I decided on 3 ounces of wine once we put the kids to bed!  I think the reason that I did so well was because I had extra calories from my added activity calories from my 40 minute swim that morning.  I've decided that I have to workout EVERY day because I need those extra calories to eat.

Yesterday, I also made a huge commitment to make sure I stay on track over the winter months.  I'll talk more about this tomorrow, since this post is getting a little long.

Today was a strength training day, and MyFitnessPal doesn't give me any calories for weight lifting exercises.  Grrrr.  Surely, weight lifting for an hour and a half burns calories??!!  It's going to be really hard to get through today without the extra calories to eat. 

M.I.A.

The past two days have not been good days. I've binged both days, and my weight is up. :(

I need to do something to get my eating under control. I'm thinking about starting Weight Watchers. I looked at their website and found a site close to me. I just need to go now. 

On Saturday, I did very little activity. After the girl child's soccer game, we went to a deli close by. I got a Tuna Sandwich, but it was huge and on ciabatta bread (probably one of the higher calorie breads). Then we went to WalMart to get a few items. That was it. 

Sunday, I did get up and run. I ran two miles with an average pace of 11:57/mi, which is an improvement over my previous paces. It seems that the interval training is really working. 

I'm going to try and have a later breakfast, and workout later in the afternoon to see if that helps my eating. Fingers crossed!

Not So Rest Day

I woke up this morning motivated to clean. That lasted all of ONE hour. 

After doing a load of dishes, washing a load of laundry, and folding (and putting away!) two loads of laundry, my motivation soon faded. So, I made myself a cup of tea and sat down to watch the morning shows. At the first commercial break, I decided to do a little more cleaning, instead of watching the commercials. I promised myself I'd do this for the rest of the day...whenever a commercial came on, I'd get up and do a little more cleaning. 

I also came up with a plan for when I felt a binge come on. I decided to take the baby for a walk. Well, that was the plan. I didn't really feel binge-y though...well, not until I picked the girl child up from school. Her school is next to a McDonald's and I found myself pulling out of her school and straight into the McDonald's, where I order both of us an ice cream cone. It was a completely mindless act. I didn't even think twice about it until I was finished eating it. I counted the calories, but I hate that I was out of control. And the worst part was that I didn't realize I was out of control until it was too late. :(

It means that I'll have very little calories for dinner, and none for my night time wine. Booo. 

I was doing so well eating for awhile, and I'm trying to figure out what happened to stop my healthy eating. The only thing I can think of is that I added sugar substitutes back into my diet. I've been having Splenda in my oatmeal and coffee, and Coke Zeros when I'm out and about. I think I need to cut sugar (and substitutes) out again. 

Up 2

Well, today's weigh in went as expected. I was up 2 lbs. 

At the gym today I started with cross training. I did a circuit of abs, arms, and the slide board (I really enjoy the slide!). After the circuit work, I jumped on the treadmill. I started with a 5 minute walk at 3 mph, and then a 5 minute run at 5.0 mph for a warm up. Then I did 2 minute intervals at 5.5 mph and 3 mph for about 2 miles. At one point, I increased the run from 5.5 to 6.0 for 2 minutes!  It was a good hard run. My legs are still feeling it. 

After the gym, I kept to my plan of staying out of the house for most of the day to prevent a binge. We went to the library and I noticed about 5 toddlers walking in (with their mom) at the same time. They were all going to the same place, so I followed them. We discovered story time at the library. The boy seemed to enjoy it for almost a half an hour before he started "talking" up a storm. So we left the room and I went in search of a book or movie to check out. They had Zero Dark Thirty on bluray, so I got that, and then I found a book called Citizen Girl that is by the same authors as The Nanny Diary. I hope it's just as good!

I also finally went to the grocery store and spent a fortune. I got sushi while I was there and the soy sauce has me up 5 lbs from this morning!  I'll have to drink a ton of water to wash the sodium through. Other than the sodium, I did really well with my eating. I need to come up with a plan for tomorrow, so I don't binge on all the new food in the house!  As fats as exercise, my plan has tomorrow as a rest day. I think I'll try to get in a 2 mile walk, since I technically rested on Wednesday. Then I'll have to figure something else to do with the day. 

 

Fever

I didn't get very much sleep last night. Before bedtime we noticed that the baby was very hot. I took his temperature and it was 100.9. Fevers scare me since my brother had a high one when we were kids and it triggered a seizure. He became epileptic and had seizures until he grew out of them as an adult. That experience has made me very fearful of seizures, so I gave the baby Tylenol and then monitored his fever about ever hour throughout the night.  At one point it went down to 100.3, but by morning it was 101. I gave him another dose of Tylenol and decided to take him to the doctor's when they opened. 

In the meantime, we took the girl child to school and then went back home to wait until the doctor's opened at 9. Around 8:30, the baby fell asleep and he felt a lot cooler. I decided to wait until he woke up and reassess then. He slept for 2 hours!  When he woke up, I took his temperature and it was down to 99 degrees. I decided not to take him to the doctor since he had no other symptoms and just chalked the fever up to teething. 

Since the baby hasn't been feeling well, I decided not to take him out, so I didn't go to the gym or grocery store. We stayed home all day, and I found myself eating out of boredom. And since the cupboards were basically bare, I found myself eating items that didn't satisfy the cravings I had. So I'd eat something else...and then something else...and again...and again. Until I had eaten almost a full other day's worth of calories!  It was a pretty bad binge. I was supposed to weigh in today, but I'm scared to step in the scale!

I've got to make a plan to stay out of the house tomorrow and get back on track. :-(  I'm going to go straight to the gym after dropping the girl off at school and run on the treadmill. I need to lift weights too, since I missed today's workout. I'm going to take my clothes with me and shower there, so that I don't have to go home to shower and change. I hope that will keep me out of the refrigerator. 

After the gym I'm going to grocery shop. Or maybe go the the library first. If I grocery shop first, I have to come home to out away groceries and I will probably just sit down in front of the TV. :(

Then I'll pick up the girl from school. I want to go for a run with her, since we didn't run on Tuesday. And I want to take her outside to play. I need to stay busy. I need to stay out of the fridge and pantry. 

A New Day

Last night before I went to bed, I decided that I HAD to run this morning for my sanity...I also had to have a nap.  After dropping the girl off at school, I went straight to the gym. I decided to only run and not do anything else, so that the boy wouldn't be at child care long enough to nap. I also asked the girls to keep him awake. There's one lady there that absolutely adore him, and she said it wouldn't be a problem, she would just play with him and keep him up. 

I'm still trying to improve my speed, so I decided to put the treadmill on a 1% incline (to mimic running outside) and to run at 5.5 mph.  That's approximately an 11:54/mi. I ran for 5 minutes. I had to push that last minute. I do this thing in my head where I count down from 10. Once I get to 0, I reassess if I can keep running. I did that 3 times from 4:30 to 5:00. I then walked for 2 minutes. I then ran for another 4 minutes and walked for 2. At this point, my heart rate would get up to 157 during my running time, and drop back down to 123 by the end of my walks. I ran another minute, then walked for 3. At this point, I was tired and it was taking longer to recover back into the 120's bpm. The last run, I pushed myself to run 2, and then walk the last tenth of a mile.  Here's my summary:

I then did something I rarely do...stretched!  I'm horrible about stretching when I workout, but since I've been recovering from heel pain, I decided I needed to. 

When I was leaving the gym, I saw an email from one of the other lunchroom monitors asking for someone to fill in for them today. I thought about it, so I can get my 25 required hours in, but then I remembered how I snapped at the kids yesterday and told them to "Shut up". I decided I needed to focus on getting more sleep in the bank, so I have more control over my words. 

I ended up getting a pretty long nap because the baby slept more than usual. I thought this would help my eating, but I ended up going 200 calories over. We're very low on food in the house, and I couldn't figure out what I wanted, so I just ate junk. I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. 

Shut Up

Today was a shitty day. The baby was up every hour and a half to nurse last night, and then woke up for good at 5:30am. 

After I dropped the girl off at school, I went to the gym and lifted weights. When I went to put my headphones on to drown out the gym music, I couldn't hear my music on one side. I took the earbud out of my ear to inspect it, and saw that the rubber piece was missing. 

The boy slept at the gym child care, so there were no naps for me when we got home. I didn't have time to nap anyway, I needed to shower before going to my daughter's school to be the lunchroom monitor. On the way to school, the boy fell asleep again and slept through lunch. I was cranky and tired and the kids were more rambunctious than usual. I ended up yelling at them to shut up as they were lining up after recess. They gasped in surprise and I felt like shit. I've felt bad about it for the rest of the day. 

When we got home, I made lunch and then played with the boy a bit. By this time I was exhausted out if my mind. I tried to nurse the boy and put him down for another nap, but he wouldn't suck and then proceeded to cry for 2 hours!

I took him downstairs to play some more since he wouldn't sleep, and decided to try pumping. No wonder he wouldn't nurse, I was barely producing anything!  I think the lack of water, mixed with running, and the Sudafed I took yesterday for my allergies has dried my milk up some. I pumped for 20 minutes to stimulate production and drank a lot of water. 

I finally got the baby to nap, and had just fallen asleep when the girl child came home. Then it was time to make dinner. 

I made rack of lamb with a mint sauce, mushroom risotto, and sautéed vegetables. 

It was so good!  The family seemed like they liked it, but didn't seem grateful enough for the amount of time and effort I put into it. :-(  I think I've just been feeling very under appreciated lately. I need a vacation. Badly. Or...to go back to work. Sometimes I think I'm a better mom when I work. 

I ended up going over my calories by 800 calories today. 800!  I was tired, and when I couldn't get the baby to sleep, I was very stressed and tired and binged. I ate my stress. :-(  I feel like shit. I feel like shit for yelling at kids, I feel like shit because I over ate, and I feel like shit because I don't think my family is very appreciative. Overall, it was a bad, bad day. 

A Good Good Day

This morning I woke up still tired. I laid in bed for a few minutes reading and then decided to just put my running clothes on. I figured I was more likely to go for a run if I was dressed. I then went downstairs and put my running shoes on. I still wasn't awake yet, so I made the hubs and myself a cup of coffee. That worked!  I was now motivated to run. Before I left the house, I ran back upstairs and laid my daughter's running clothes out, and then stopped by her play room and told her that I'd be back in 26 minutes (what I estimated I could run 2 miles in) and that I wanted her to be dressed and ready to run when I got back. 

My 2 mile run was all over the place. I decided to run for 5 minutes at a sub 11:00/mi pace, and then walk for a minute...run another 5 minutes and then walk. I wanted to go by time instead of distance because I found myself walking too much when I was using 1/4 mile splits. On the second run, I found my pace had dropped to a 12:00/mi and I was losing steam. I told myself that if I pushed myself, I could walk at the 4 minute marker, instead of the 5. This worked, and I was able to increase my pace to a 9:54/mi. As I reached my 3rd sprint, I hit the part of the trail that has a small hill. Last Saturday, this hill killed my pace. I decided to exert a little more effort, but was sure I had dropped down to a 12:00/mi. When I looked down at my GPS, I was surprised to see I was running around a 9:20/mi!  I was able to hold that for about another minute before I had to walk again. The last mile was uneventful. My lungs were on fire, and my legs were tired. I decided to just run it at a comfortable pace, but I pushed myself to run just a little further every time I wanted to walk. 

When I got back to the house, I ditched the fleece I wore; I had to take it off and tie it around my waist halfway into the run because it was too warm for it once I started running; and picked up my daughter (who was dressed, but hadn't managed to get her shoes on during my 26 minute run, due to her watching Jesse). 

I reset the GPS, started the stop watch, and we were off!  I told her that her last longest run time was 1:25 and that she didn't have to beat it on the first lap...to maybe shoot for a 1:10 for a warm up. She has other plans though, and ran the first bit in 1:38!  We walked a minute between runs, and the next run she went even longer. We continued each run with a minute break in between. Her longest being 1:49.9. She was so tickled with herself!  The whole route was 0.83 miles and she ran for about 13 1/2 minutes. She's definitely improving, and is still loving it!  As her conditioning gets better, her form is getting better too. She no longer runs head down, leaning forward. We've been practicing running with our head up and shoulders back. She now looks strong when she runs!

We got back in time to shower and make it to church. Though, the run did wear her out because she fell asleep in church for about 5 minutes before I woke her up. 

Since I hadn't been doing very well with my diet the past few days, I wanted to eat healthier. I made a salad with some left over steak we had from dinner the night before. It was just spinach, mushrooms, feta and steak, with balsamic glaze for the dressing. It was soooo good!

I measured out 2 ounces of farfalle (bow tie) pasta and defrosted some homemade marinara sauce from the freezer. It was such an easy, yet decadent lunch. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent outside with the kids. I'm holding to my commitment to my daughter to let her play outside everyday. Around 4pm, the baby was getting restless and needed a nap. I was hoping that if I put him in his stroller and walked him, that he would fall asleep. As I was getting the stroller ready, I saw that the neighbor Jen and her little girl had just come outside. So I invited them to take a walk to the park with us. The kids rode their bikes, and we walked behind them. It was nice getting to know the neighbor a little better. She seems very nice. She's a little more reserved than I am, but her parenting style is very similar (read cautious) as mine, so I very much appreciate it. 

After about 20 minutes at the park, the kids were bored and wore out, so we went back home. By this time, I was tired, the baby was STILL tired (he never fell asleep!), and I was getting the beginnings of an allergy headache so I put myself and the baby down for a nap, and set the girl child up with some crayons and paper. 

Overall, it was a good good day full of activity and fun!

Dessert

Last night the hubs slept in the spare bedroom again because we're waiting 24 hours fever clear before we let him out of quarantine. ;)  We were missing each other, and started texting back and forth as we lay in bed. It was just silly and flirting, and fun!  He went to give me a goodnight kiss, virtually, and it went a little like this:

In case it's hard to see, he sent an emoticon of a smiley blowing a kiss...and I sent him one back of a smiley wearing a germ mask. He followed that with knives!  LOL  That's one of the things I love about him...his sick sense of humor matches mine. :)

This morning, the girl child had an early soccer game. Afterwards, we decided to go to WholeFoods. We used to do all of our shopping there before we moved further away, and we both miss it terribly. About a block from the WholeFoods, we saw a Rosebud's Italian restaurant and decided to grab lunch there. I'm not sure if it's a national chain, but it's a local chain and we love it!  I got the charred tuna salad with a lemon vinegarette, and it was devine. Just look!  Isn't is beautiful?!

At WholeFoods I was in heaven. We bought good steak and a rack of lamb (which I can't find anywhere near where we live). We fresh ground some peanut and almond butter (can't wait to have the almond butter in my oatmeal tomorrow!), my daughter pilfered all the samples (and some bulk items that weren't supposed to be samples), and I found this tea:

We also got the baby some dried fruit. While the hubs was grilling steaks, I showed him the fruit pieces and said "Look, it's just dried fruit, no added ingredients"...to which he pointed at his deink and said "That's just barley". 

We forgot to get ice cream for dessert (I didn't forget, I'm a firm believer that we don't need dessert everyday), so the hubs had an idea for us to make a fruit salad. The girl child and I made the salads, while the hubs bathed the boy. I must say, it was a great idea because the salad turned out delicious!

Wino

To drink or not to drink, that shouldn't have been the question. 

After a long day if taking care of the kids, house, and husband by myself, I decided to unwind with a glass of wine while I cooked dinner. That was a bad decision. I normally have a glass after I've put the kids to bed, and can enjoy it. Well, one glass led to two, and two led to me being drunk!  I'm such a lightweight. 

I ended up eating dinner drunk, which meant that after I was finished with one serving of everything...I went straight back and filled my plate up again. :-(

I counted all of the calories, and I'm 400 calories over...again. I have got to get this under control. I don't know if it's because I'm doing everything myself, or what, but I've just felt ravenous the past 2 days. I've made horrible food decisions. For instance...right now I'm thinking "What they hell, you've already busted calories, why not have some more Snackwell cookies too??!!"  I've got to stop buying them. I can't trust myself with them. :-/

Time Out

Yesterday sucked. I need a time out. 

I started off at the gym with a 2 mile run/walk, alternating between 3 mph and 5.5 mph, on a 1% incline, every quarter of a mile. I then did some leg presses and lifts, and followed it with a workout on the slide board. 

This thing is actually pretty fun, and my balance is getting better too!  My legs definitely feel like they had a workout. They're tired today. 

The rest of the day was filled with lunchroom monitoring, picking my daughter up from school, homework, cooking, cleaning, and then my daughter's school had Curriculum night from 7-9pm. Then there was bath, book, and bed for both kids....all.by.myself. I'm so over the hubs being sick. (As I'm sure he is too.) It really makes me value the work that he puts into our family when he's not sick. Doing it all on my own sucks!

I was absolutely exhausted all day long, and it manifested itself into over eating. I went over my calories by about 400. I should have just gone to sleep instead of eating. They were all consumed after I put the kids to bed. I had wine, cheese, and cookies. I would have been better off just sleeping. 

I woke up this morning still exhausted. I've decide not to workout this morning. Instead, I'm going to stay around the house and do some laundry. Most importantly though, I'm going to nap when the baby naps. I need to catch up on some sleep, so I can get back on track and don't over eat today. 

Quarantine

My schedule has been off all day today. Normally I go to the gym directly after dropping my daughter off at school, but this morning I had to take the hubs to the doctor. I thought he had Strep, but the culture came back negative and it turns out it's Hand Foot & Mouth Disease. It's viral, so there's nothing he can take to get better faster. He just has to wait it out. 

HFMD is highly contagious. It's not just airborne, but can pass through touching him. He has hives, and if touched they can spread the HFMD. I've quarantined him to the spare bedroom and he's not allowed touching anything outside that bedroom. I really don't want the kids to get this...especially the baby. 

After the doctor's, I went to my daughter's school to fill in for another mom who asked me to do her lunch monitor duty because she had a meeting she couldn't miss. I was happy to help, but once I got there, I noticed another mom had signed in for the grade I was suppose to be covering. I checked the email, and sure enough it said 9/18, but when I looked at the weekly schedule, it said she does it on Thursdays, not Wednesdays. So I replied to her email and asked if she meant 9/19 instead of 9/18. She replied "yes"...that was it. There was no "I'm sorry I got the wrong day"...nothing. I'm a little perturbed. However, I saw the cutest thing. My daughter has a boy best friend that she has a huge crush on. I saw them sitting next to each other at lunch. He's a really nice kid. It was so cute. See??!!

After leaving the school, I contemplated on whether to go to the gym immediately, or whether I should wait until after my son's nap. I was absolutely exhausted and wanted a nap myself, but I also wanted to weigh myself before I ate lunch. I knew if I went to the gym, that the baby would sleep at their child care, and I would lose my chance at a nap myself. So we went home and I tried to get him to sleep. He fought the nap for almost an hour!  I was so happy when he fell asleep and I fell asleep soon after. 

After the nap, we went to the gym. I swam 1/2 mile (40 minutes) and then weighed myself. 

Not a huge loss, but still a movement in the right direction (-0.8 lbs)...and it was after I ate both breakfast and lunch. 

I had to go to the grocery store to get something for dinner. I was absolutely exhausted so I needed something fast, yet healthy. I got one of those store cooked roasted chickens, Stovetop stuffing, and green beans to steam. Total cook/prep time was 5 minutes...and it was good!  The best part is that there is enough for lunch tomorrow!

I Scream

I took my car in to get fixed...again. They wanted to replace the rotors for $600. I told them that the car only has 30k miles, and I thought they should turn them instead. Mechanics are always surprised when I know their job. I don't look like someone who spent 5 years in the Army as a mechanic. 

The service manager told me that they don't have a lathe, so all they can do is replace them. I decided that I'll take my car back to Carmax and have them fix it. It's supposed to be "certified" pre-owned...we'll see how they hold up to their certification. 

I got home around 10:30...too early for lunch, but I was ravenous. I ate some red bell pepper with fat free ranch...still hungry. Then a banana...still hungry. A cheese stick...still hungry. I wanted ice cream!  I've resisted the gallon in the freezer that the husband brought home last week for as long as I could. I decided to allow myself to eat some if I measured it out and counted the calories. I added chocolate syrup and walnuts and counted them too. It was soooo good, and satisfied me. 

After my daughter finished her homework, we started her training program. She got her stopwatch and started it and ran for as long as she could. I let her lead and I just ran behind with he baby in his running stroller. Her first run was for 1:09 (one minute, 9 seconds). She walked for about a minute, and then she started the time again and ran for about another minute. I tried to tell her to take the run easy and just jog...to try not to run as fast as she could. She ran again about another minute and we were at the park. I let her play for as long ass she wanted at the park. When we were leaving, I showed her her longest run time of 1:09 and asked her if she thought she could beat it. She started her watch and ran, looking at it every so often and then stopped at exactly 1:10. She was proud she beat her time. I asked her if she thought she could beat her new long time, she started her watch and ran. When she came close to beating it, I said just 10 more seconds and started counting down from 10...slowly. This time she ran 1:19...I praised her and she was soooo proud of herself. We were almost home, and I asked her if she wanted to try and beat it again. She was excited and took off. We ran and ran, until we were coming up on 1:19. I asked her if she thought she could keep running until the bottom of the small hill and she said I think so. And she did. She stopped at 1:25. She was so happy with herself. We talked about trying to beat that next time. Overall, it was better than I had hoped for. She enjoyed herself. She was proud of herself. I realized that she is as competitive with herself as I am with myself. It was a great experience, and best of all, she wants to do it again!

This is the area where we ran today. It's a pretty park. 

The run we are doing together has free T-shirts, but no medals because it's only 1 mile. So after our run today, I found a website that custom makes medals. They're metal and only $4 each and you can have them engraved!  I got her and myself one with the year, race name, distance, and our names engraved on it. She's going to be so excited to wear it around Chicago afterwards!

My daughter started Girl Scouts today.  I've volunteered to be a co-leader and our first meeting was tonight. She had fun seeing all the girls (she knew them from going to public school with them last year, and was excited to see them again). When we got home, the hubs showed me a rash he has on his stomach, arms, and legs. The rash, along with the sore throat he's had for 3 days, and the fever he's had for 2, tells me that he has Strep. I'm making him go to the doctor tomorrow. I just hope he doesn't pass it to us...especially the baby. :-(

Missing 14

As I was getting ready this morning I told my husband about the missing size 14 jeans in my "skinny" bins. He thought for a second and then said "Maybe you got fat in the summer and weren't wearing jeans."  We both thought about it for a second and then he followed up with, "That's profound...nobody gets fat in the summer."

I thought about it, and then realized that they do if they were PREGNANT in the summer!  I became pregnant in May. 

I got very little accomplished today. After dropping my daughter off at school, I went straight to the gym to lift weights. I even did sit-ups. I.HATE.Sit-ups. At one point, I started getting a headache while doing them. I think it was due to my allergies. 

One of my goals is to work on my balance. The gym has this slide mat thingy that you put covers over your shoes and slide back and forth. I decided to give it a try. It was fun!  At first I was awkward and almost fell, but eventually I got a hang of it. I slid for the length of one song and didn't want to quit. I did though because I knew my thighs were getting a hell of a workout and I still had to run in the evening. 

I also tried the kettle bell. I only made it through one rep before my back muscles started hurting. I'll probably try it again. I could use some back strength training. 

After the gym, I went home and got ready to volunteer at my daughter's school. It was uneventful, except, while there I got a call from a recruiter about a job. I explained to him that I won't be looking until January, but I'd updatemy resumé   and send it to him. The good thing is that if he's cold calling me, that means the job market for my field of work is good for when I'm ready to go back. 

The hubs came home early to relieve me from the kids so I could go run with my run group. I felt so bad for him. He's so sick. I tried to get him to stay home from work and rest, but he feels guilty when he takes a sick day. 

I think my run group is disbanding. No one showed up Saturday morning, and only one person showed up this evening. I really enjoy the girls in my run group, so it's sad. I won't be able to make it this Saturday because of my daughter's early soccer game. I saw that the leader of our all girls run group had started a co-ed group, so I'm wondering if she's abandoning the all girls one to run with the other one. :-(

Tomorrow I have to take my car back to in to get serviced again. That damn noise is back. :-/

Plan B

My daughter has discovered that playing goalie means less running and has been volunteering to be the goalie at her soccer games. I feel so guilty. I know her sedentary lifestyle is a direct result of MY sedentary lifestyle. We're going to change that though. I've made a commitment to her. We've signed up for the Chicago Hot Chocolate Run, and we start training this week! 

Yesterday we had decided to get Mexican after her soccer game. I planned out my meal before going and added the counted the calories. The plan was chicken fajitas, no guacamole, no sour cream, no tortillas, 1/2 cup of beans and 1/2 cup of rice, along with 12 tortilla chips and salsa. This was around 750 calories, which was high for one meal, but since I ran in the morning, I had the calories to go a little higher for eating out. 

When we got there, the waiter informed us that they were out of salsa, so he gave us guacamole with our chips. (What Mexican restaurant runs out of salsa??!!)  I looked at my husband and told him that I couldn't eat that.  He thought I was just being difficult and told me one time wouldn't hurt. After all, we were out to eat. I explained to him that it's never just one time. All those one times add up, and that's how you end up fat. I had made a plan and I was going to stick to it. If this is going to work, I have to learn how to eat out and stay within my calorie range. He offered me a chip and I told him I didn't want a plain chip and I wasn't eating the guacamole with it. I decided that if my only option was guacamole, then I just wouldn't eat the chips and would instead wait for my food. Then I had an aha moment. I remembered when I used to do Weight Watchers, that I would always get pico de gallo. When the waiter came back to take my order, I asked him if they had pico de gallo. He said yes, so I got that. The hubs tried the pico de gallo and loved it, so he decided to have his chips with the pico de gallo instead of the guacamole too!

After Mexican, I dropped the family off at home and went to finally get a haircut. It had been forever since I got it cut. The last time, the lady accidentally ran the scissors through my hair as she was combing it and took a huge chunk out...twice!  After that mishap, I was nervous to get it cut. It grew and grew, and I had to decide if I was going to become Rapunzel, or take a chance with another salon. I'm so glad I took the chance because I love the new place!  My hair looks fabulous and feels so healthy. I ended up cutting 6" off. 

When I got back, the hubs had gone grocery shopping and had our favorite recipe book out. 

I'm in love with every recipe I've ever made out of this book.  Last night, he made a pasta with eggplant and a red sauce. It was divine, and only 350 calories!  Which left enough calories for wine!

Today was a lazy day. When we woke up, it was down pouring. We layed in bed for awhile then had coffee and breakfast before getting ready for church. After church we had the leftover pasta...with more wine. ;)  It was the perfect meal to put us in a food/wine coma, so we took a nap until 5!  We didn't mean to sleep so late, but we probably needed it. The boy had kept us up a lot the night before. 

I wanted to get some items from Old Navy while the hubs was home to watch the kids, so I threw some shoes on and headed out the door. I was giddy. I must admit, I halfway enjoy shopping when I don't have the kids with me. And now that I'm down a size, I had a lot more options. I needed to get some size 14 jeans. 

Before church, I went to my "skinny clothes" storage bins to find a smaller pair of jeans, since the ones I had been wearing were too big. Weird thing though, last month, I pulled the size 16 out to wear because I was down from a size 18. However, there's not one pair of 14's. The next size I have is a size 12 (which are still too small). I have no idea how, when I was gaining weight, I went from a size 12 to a 16...skipping straight over the 14's. So, I went to get some 14's and then to get a few pieces to put together some outfits that I had pinned on Pinterest. I also picked up some more workout clothes. I love their compression pants and semi fitted technical shirts. 

When I got home, this is what I did...

Yep, it's mid September and I turned on the fireplace. This is my favorite thing about our house and fall/winter. It is so relaxing. 

My iPhone will not let me curse!

I was going to title this entry "What the hell did I do yesterday?", but every time I went to type in hell, it would replace it with "he'll". Funny enough, when I typed it in the post portion instead of the title box, it had no problem with writing it. 

I just got back from a two mile run. It was my first run in 2 weeks and was supposed to be at the Forest Preserve with my running group. Everyone but one person had cancelled and I figured I'd go so that person didn't have to run alone...and then she never showed up. I didn't want to run in the preserve by myself, so I drove back to my neighborhood and ran there. I decided to focus this morning's run on speed instead of distance. So I decided on a quick 2 miles instead of 3. My goal was to maintain an 11:00/mile pace, but I was all over the place. I had to walk some too. My average pace was 12:36. I have a long way to go. I've decided to cut back on distance, and only run 2 miles at a time, until I increase my speed. Here's an analysis of this morning's run. 

Even though it's a "slow" run to most people, it was fast for me. I pushed myself hard.  This was evident when I say down to write this post, and couldn't remember what the hell I did yesterday!   I had to look through my pictures to remind myself. (What did we ever do before smartphones?!)

I started yesterday morning off by taking my car to the Volkswagen dealership to get a rubbing noise checked out. I thought it was the breaks, since it happened when I applied the breaks, but the previous Firestone garage told me it wasn't the breaks, but had no problem changing and charging me for new back breaks!  It didn't fix the noise, so imagine my surprise when the VW service center told me it was a brake shim that wasn't tightened down that was making the noise!  They fixed it and only charged me for the labor (still $125 !). I'll be writing a review on the Firestone place, and may call them too. The good thing is he noise is gone, and now I know where to take my car for service!

While my car was being repaired, the dealership dropped me off at the Mall across the road. I went to Kohl's to shop their clearance racks for 12 month clothes for my son. I ended up getting him 7 full outfits, a pair of shoes, some pajamas, and a fleece for my daughter for $97 !  I was waiting in line to checkout, when the girl in front of me used a coupon on her phone. I thought, I wonder if I can find one through google, and sure enough, I found a 20% off on retailmenot. Score!

The rest of the evening was uneventful. My daughter had soccer practice, the hubs made dinner, I busted his balls for eating a bowl of ice cream afterwards, and then we bathed and put the kids to bed. 

After the kids are in bed, the hubs and I watch TV in the den together. I was playing on my phone and decided to look up some fun runs in the area. 

I'm trying to work on running with my daughter. I noticed at soccer practice that she runs with her head down and chest forward, which gives her horrible balance. I fear she's going to trip and break her nose. I thought that if I fin a fun run, it can be something we can practice for and something she can enjoy. I want her to love running as much as I do. 

So I looked online and saw that during the Chicago Hot Chocolate 15K/5K, there's a 1 mile walk/run to support autism (I have an autistic brother, so there's a soft spot in my heart for runs that support autism.)  They've incorporated this run into the Hot Chocolate festivities, so they'll be hot chocolate and chocolate fondue with marshmallows afterwards. I know that she would have so much fun, so look what I did!

I signed her an I up to run it together!

I spoke to the hubs, and we've decided to make a weekend of it and stay downtown. We haven't stayed downtown in almost a year, so I'm super excited!!

Sunny Days

I never made it to the gym yesterday. It's not like I had anything better to do.  It's just that I'm still on my two week rest to heal my plantar fasciitis so I can't run or take a workout class and I swam the day before. I hate strength training, so I decided not to go. I know I need to do strength training, but if it's not taught in a class, I find it extremely boring. So instead, I caulked my shower. 

No, that's not a euphemism.  I had removed the old caulk two weeks ago because it was moldy. After I removed the old stuff, the baby woke up from his nap, and I just never got around to finishing it. For the past two weeks I've been taking a shower in my husband's bathroom. Since I had nothing else going on yesterday, I couldn't think of any excuse not to finish the job. 

Yes, the hubs has his own bathroom. He gets the floor all wet, so I kicked him out of the master bathroom and banned him to the one at the end of the hall.  

After I caulked, i went downstairs to catch up on my reading and realized i was starving!  It was only 10:30am, at least an hour and a half from lunch time, and I had oatmeal for breakfast. I shouldn't have been hungry, yet I was ravenous!  I decided to eat a slice of cheese to see if the protein would help. I ate one slice and still felt like i was starving. I had the shakes and felt slightly light headed. I recognized the feeling as how I feel right before I binge. I needed to eat. So I ate a second slice of cheese. I still felt like I was starving. I opened the pantry to look for something that was low calorie, yet very filling. I spotted the half a pack of Snackwell cookies on the shelf. I only let my daughter take two in her lunch, so there were two more sitting in the open pack. I wanted the cookies!  I was afraid that if I had those two, that it wouldn't be enough, and I would break into the full box of them and binge on them. Before I could think too much about it, I grabbed them and turned the kettle on to make tea to eat them with. I was hoping the mixture of tea and cookies would help my hunger be controllable. I ate the two cookies before the tea was even made. I was STILL ravenous.  I decided not to eat anything else until after I drank the tea, in the hopes that it would curb my hunger until lunch time. It didn't. I was still starving. At this point, I decided that I could keep snacking and binge, or I could just go on and make lunch early. I decided to make lunch. I ate lunch and finally felt satisfied. I was able to get back on track and learned that when I feel that hungry, to just go on and have my next meal, instead of binging on snacks. 

Yesterday turned out to be a beautiful day. I made a commitment to get outside with the kids (or do something active everyday), so we decided to set up the pack n play in the front yard and play outside. 

Pound Cake

I signed up for Sparkpeople today because I need motivation / socialization / encouragement. I found the word verification to be quite intriguing, so I took a screen shot. 

I

Yep, pound cake, I kid you not!

After dropping my daughter off at school, I went to the gym and swam 1/2 mile. To swim 1/2 mile, I have to swim 18 laps. I break this down into 3 sets of three different swim styles done twice. For example, I swim 2 free style laps, then 2 butterfly laps, and then 2 laps of flutter kicks with the kick board and then repeat the series three times. I kind of get lazy with the flutter kicks, so I was determined to put effort in them yesterday. Boy do I feel it today!  I was so sore last night, that I had a hard time sleeping. I made sure to eat a banana this morning and drink lots of water. 

Speaking of water, I didn't hit my goal of 8 glasses. I only had 6. By dinner time, I had only had 4, so I drank my last 2 too close to bedtime. I then had to keep getting up and go to the bathroom.  I'm going to try to drink today's 8 glasses evenly throughout the day. 

When I got back from the gym yesterday morning, I received a text from an old co-worker who is now working closer to where I live. She asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch. Adult conversation?  Why, yes I do!  We went to a sushi place in a shopping center that I used to live above. The sushi was great, but the adult conversation was even better!  I need to make it a point to make more friends in the area. I moved here last year, and didn't know a soul. I find it so much harder to make friends now that I'm an adult, especially since I'm not working right now. :-(

I went over my calories yesterday. For one of my snacks, I had a whole bagel with peanut butter and raisins. It was a lot of calories for a snack. I'll have to make it only 1/2 a bagel next time. Here's yesterday's log summary:

Summer still?

This summer I was a horrible mom. I thought since I would be staying home with the kids that I'd be the perfect mom that would take her kids to the park all the time and other fun activities. I even bought season passes to Six Flags amusement park. Then reality happened. It was hot. I don't do well in the heat, my daughter has VERY fair skin, and I had a newborn who wasn't old enough for sunscreen. Basically...I made excuses. :-(

I soon realized that I couldn't handle both kids at the amusement park by myself. The baby couldn't be left alone, and my daughter needed someone to ride the rides with. That ended up being a huge waste of money. Lesson learned. 

I did eventually discover a pool close by and made a commitment to take them swimming in the afternoon (after the sun started going down slightly) at least once a week. A few times we even made it twice a week!

My daughter needs to be more active. When she plays soccer, she struggles with running and balance because she doesn't do it much. Yesterday, I made a commitment to her. I committed to playing outside (or going somewhere inside if it's raining) WITH her. Not just taking her to the park and sitting with the baby while she plays, but actively playing with her. So yesterday, we went to the soccer field and played soccer together, and then went to the park afterwards. Of course, it had to be hot as hell yesterday. 95 degrees in...mid September...in the Midwest!  Can't we just be done with summer already?  It's my least favorite season.

It was hot, but I had made a commitment, so we just took ice water and parked the baby in the shade. As hot as it was, and as sweaty as we got, I had so much fun playing with her!!  I can't wait to do it again!

Nutella Cold Oat Jar

I stole this idea from Katie over at Runs for Cookies, and I must say it is the absolute best breakfast EVER...and it's so simple!!

Once a peanut butter, Nutella, or any other nut butter jar is empty, add 1 part old fashion oats and 1 part milk (along with any extras you want!), stir, and place in the refrigerator over night. Enjoy. That's it!  

I made mine with Nutella jar, oats, 2% milk and raisins. It was sooooo good. 

When I go back to work, this will be my go-to breakfast. I'll probably just smear a tablespoon of Nutella around the inside of a Tupperware container and add the oats, milk and any extras. It will be easy to take to work and eat at my desk. I know they say it's not good to eat while at your desk, but I find it so relaxing. I like to take my breakfast and coffee into the office and eat/drink it while sorting through my emails in the morning. I do a home version of this on days when I don't go to the gym first thing in the morning. I have my coffee and breakfast while watching the morning news and checking my email. It's my idea of a perfect start to the morning. 

Here's the nutritional info on the cold oats above (1 serving):

 

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What's your favorite breakfast?  Do you eat at your desk?

 

The Voices Inside My Head...

 

As much as I hate my big boobs, it used to be the one thing we had over those skinny bitches.  Damn boob jobs...now they can be skinny WITH a nice rack!

 

DEEP Breath

I need to...stop wearing flip flops, stretch my feet....lose weight. Yeah, that last one is probably the best solution. My arches are tender again after yesterday's long walk.  I swam again today. I absolutely love swimming for exercise, except that I have to dry and straighten my hair. I hate spending any time on my hair. Unfortunately, I was cursed with curly, frizzy hair.

I used to think that people who swam for exercise were cheating themselves out of a good workout. I had always went swimming for fun with the kids, never actually swimming laps. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I took water aerobics and didn't feel like I got much of a workout. The class was full of older women who took the class more for socialization than exercise, so I never realized how much exercise swimming can be until my in laws came and stayed with us for a month.

I was 3 months postpartum and we would go to the gym everyday. They would swim laps and I would walk and lift weights. One day I decided to swim laps with them. They told me that they swim 1/2 mile, so I was determined to do that too. I mean, if they could, then I could. Woah. I struggled. I was so wore out that I needed a nap!  All I wanted to do was sleep the rest of the day. When I put my activity into MyFitnessPal, I saw that it burned as many calories as running!  Since then, I've been swimming on my non running days. 

I've resisted putting my weight on here because quite frankly, I'm embarrassed by it. However, it wouldn't be a health / weight loss blog without it. So here goes nothing. 

There it is. This is from this morning's weigh in.  

The highest recorded weight I have is 248 and was recorded a week before I had my son (I'm sure I weighed more than that when I gave birth). He's now 7 months old. That means I've lost 50 lbs!  I'm also now out of the 2...somethingoranother. I had plateaued for a month and was dying to get out of the 2xxs. I'm also now just 6 lbs away from my pre pregnancy weight of 192. I'm very excited about this, but I've still got a LONG way to go. 

I've been working on setting some goals for myself as motivation. I'd like to set both weight and non weight related goals. I'm going to work on that and hopefully post it soon!

PIZZA and Preservation

 

Today we made homemade pizza again for lunch. As my daughter and I were making the dough, the neighbor girl came over, so I doubled the recipe and we each made our own 12" pizza. We had so much fun. The kids decided to make theirs stuffed crust, so I showed them how to do that. The hubs and I rolled ours out super thin (giving us about a 15" pizza). The dough is super easy to make!

This makes two 12" pizza crusts:

3/4 c luke warm water 

1/2 tsp active yeast

2 c all purpose flour

1/2 tsp salt

Mix warm water and yeast until yeast dissolves and let sit a few minutes. Add rest of the ingredients and kneed dough. Preheat oven to 500 degrees Fahrenheit, cook 5 min on parchment paper, top with sauce, cheese, and toppings and turn 180 degrees and cook another 5 minutes. BEST PIZZA DOUGH EVER!

The best part is that I feel full and satisfied for under 350 calories!

Before dinner we went on a family walk through the nature preserve near our house. We took the long trail and there was only minimal whining from the girl-child. I ended up having to switch the side I was walking on because the canted trail was hurting my arch. By switching to the other side I was able to work the other side of my foot muscles. Since it didn't hurt too bad, I'm on track to get back to running after one note week of rest.  Towards the end of our walk, dust was setting in, and the deer became active. We saw two mommy deer, both had two babies. They were about 5 feet from the trail (and us!) when we walked by, which was really cool...and pretty scary. I reminded my the girl-child to stay near me. That they were wild animals, with their babies, and if they felt their babies were in danger, they would attack to protect them.   Here's a photo I took of the family walking, the preserve is gorgeous this time of year. 

 

 
Here's today's food log:

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Have you ever made homemade pizza crust?  What are your favorite pizza toppings?  Am I crazy for being so afraid of deer?

 

Binge Triggers

It's been a rough day. I was up more than usual with the baby last night, then my daughter had the early soccer game. I've felt sluggish all day. I even took a 2 hour nap and woke up still having problems focusing. Then I started getting a sinus headache and it all made sense. Today was a high pollen day.

I'm a severe allergy sufferer. It's one of my binge triggers.  When I'm suffering from allergies, I usually get a headache and feel nauseous. I eat because it relieves the nausea...but only temporarily, while I'm physically eating. So as soon as I've eaten one thing, I feel nauseous again, and I have to eat again...immediately. I continue eating until I'm miserably full and have to go sleep it off. Sometimes I'll actually eat consciously to go to sleep. 

I've been aware of my allergies as a trigger for about 2 years now. I hate taking medication, so I often wait until it's too late. Today, I recognized it and took a Sudafed. The problem is it takes awhile for the Sudafed to kick in...and it can dry up my milk, so I try not to take it too often.  While I wait for the medicine to kick in, I decided to try something I learned on Runs For Cookies (http://www.runsforcookies.com/?m=1) blog. She feeds the binge...one craving and one serving at a time. So I measured out one serving and ate it, once I was finished, I put the timer on to wait 10 minutes and reevaluate if I'm still hungry. I was still hungry, so I laid down for another nap/rest. 

My allergies affect my weight a lot, both by what I eat, and my activity level. When my allergies are acting up, I don't feel like going outside, being active, or doing anything for that matter. I just want to sleep.  

We went to a new restaurant tonight that was on a small lake. It's an old resort restaurant. The resort is long gone, but the restaurant remains. They serve Polish cuisine. If you know anything about Polish food, then you know it's heavy, stick to your ribs kind of food. I settled on a broiled fish platter because I only had 300 calories left for the day. 😞  It was flavorless. The rice was gross, so I decided to skip it and only ate a little of the coleslaw. Even doing that, I still went over my allowed calories. 

 

It is official!

 

I'm a soccer mom!  I've got the kids, the minivan, and now the obligatory soccer mom chair. This is my daughter's first year playing soccer. Last practice, I stood on the sideline with the boy and watched practice while all the other parents lined up on the sideline in their folding chairs. I figured if we're going to do this, I may as well buy the chair. Im afraid to admit this, but I've always gotten a secret pleasure out of buying sports gear. Maybe because i didn't grow up playing very many sports, and when we did, we were poor and only had minimal gear.

Today's been a pretty good day. I went to the gym on an empty stomach and have feared that would cause me to binge later. I've been super tempted, but so far have resisted. I'm still not running because of my heel, so I swam for 40 minutes (1/2 mile). It felt good to get back in the pool. It had been closed for 3 weeks while it underwent renovations. 

For lunch today, I had partially homemade pizza. I used one of those pre-made crusts, and the amount of calories in it pissed me off. The worst part is I can make delicious homemade crust for 1/3 of the calories, and the pre-made tasted terrible!  I bought the pre-made last week before I knew how easy it was to make homemade crust. We're trying to save money this month, so I'm forcing myself to eat it because I know my husband wouldn't touch it with a 10' pole. He used to live in Italy for 7 years before he moved to the US, so he's always hated store bought crust. Now that he knows I can make it homemade, he'd never settle for the pre-made crap again. 

I did really well on my calories today, it helps that I was out of the house for the majority of the day. 

 

 
 

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Do you get excited buying the gear for your / your kids' sports? Do you have a second job as your family's garbage disposal, eating the stuff that they won't, just to use it up?

Naive.

Today I spent 3 hours in training on how to spot/prevent sexual molestation....and the training was at a Catholic Church. I.Kid.You.Not. 

My daughter goes to Catholic school and anyone that comes in contact with the children are required to take this class. I'm guessing it's a new mandate since the whole pedophilia scandal rocked the church. I volunteer as a lunch monitor, so I had to take the class. 

It was actually very informative and touched on a lot of different types of dangers. One of the subjects was Internet danger. I explained how our wifi is password protected so that our daughter can't connect without us being right there with her. One of the other moms stated that she trusts her children. She's set rules and expects them to follow them. Her argument was that her kids will experience the real world and she feels it's important that they learn how to navigate it and make good decisions. It took everything in my power to bite my tongue. I'm not quite sure how old her kids are, but the school only goes up to 8th grade, so that's the max age. I hold the opposite view. As good as my kid is, she's a kid. Kids make mistakes, and there's just some mistakes I wouldn't put her in a position to make. 

Being in training during what is normally my gym time meant that I didn't work out today. I considered going after I picked my daughter up from school, but she wasn't feeling going to their childcare, so we just went home. I need to make it a point to go tomorrow morning or I know I won't go. 

I've done okay with food. I felt a little binge-y after dinner, so I decided to sip on an ounce of Amaretto over ice. Mmmmm. 

Here's today's damage:

The voices inside my head.

 

This series is filled with the random thoughts that fill my head during the day, and since the invention of Twitter and Facebook they are usually around 140 characters long. ;-)

"The good thing about giant nursing boobs is I can probably fit a candy bar in my bra and sneak it into this training. Note to self: don't do it!"

What do your voices say to you?

Need.More.Sleep

I found another binge trigger...tiredness. The baby woke up at 11:30pm, 2:30am, and then 4:00am to nurse.  He took awhile to get back to sleep after the last feeding, so I was wide awake by the time he fell asleep. I've been up every since. Exhausted. 

I was doing so well with my calories and choices until the severe fatigue set in. Now my body wants to sleep or eat...or both!  I'm waiting on the Hubs to get home so I can take a nap. If I don't, I will probably eat everything in the house. I'm going to try everything in my power to not eat anything else until I nap. I think I'll have a glass of hot tea while I wait. 

>>FF 3 hours>>

I ended up getting an hour of sleep and woke up just as hungry. I ended up over eating, again. :-/  I really need to add cardio back to my daily routine. 

Here's today's damage (I'll spare you the details today).