Good Day

The past two days have been really good. I've had good activity running yesterday and swimming today, as well as some short bike rides with the family. My good consumption has been a lot better too. I don't know why, but I haven't been nearly as hungry. I'm wondering if that is because I've just finished my cycle or if it's because I'm getting more sleep. 

The past two days I have made it a point to nap when the baby does and he's been taking one long nap instead of two short ones. This has allowed me to get a long nap too!

It's also been 2 days since I've weighed myself. As long as I don't look at the scale, I feel thin because I'm on track with my food and exercise.  I'm afraid if I weigh myself that I will see that I haven't lost anything significant and it will throw me into an eating frenzy. I logically know I shouldn't lose 5 pounds over night, but dang advertising has conditioned me to think that I should. So, when I don't, it derails my progress. So I'm really trying hard to stay off of the scale. 

I'm also afraid that I will overeat tomorrow, since I under ate by so much today. I burned a lot of calories walking and swimming, so my net calories were pretty low. 

I'm hoping to keep my eating under control tomorrow and not binge due to my low net today. I didn't try to eat so little, I just wasn't as hungry. I even had ice cream twice!

Fingers crossed that tomorrow is a good day too. 

Not Running

For the past two days I have been having some pretty severe knee pain. On Tuesday I increased my run walk intervals to 3:1, and ran the last 5 minutes at an 11:00/mi. I felt good!  However, later that night I started having some knee pain. :(

Yesterday I took a day off from the gym and just did some Youtube yoga from home with my daughter and went for a 40 minute walk. I'm scared of really messing up my knee, so I'm going to take it easy running. 

Today I completed 30 minutes on the elliptical and walked for 40 minutes. I think I will swim tomorrow. 

My eating has continued to suck. I've only tracked half heartedly, and graham crackers continue to be a weakness of mine. :(

I've got to figure out this eating or I'm never going to lose more weight. 

I have a confession...twice over the past week I have gone down to the basement and weighed myself. It scares me to be so off plan and not be able to weigh in 40 times a day. :(

I need to do something different. I need new motivation. 

Disappointment

Well, forget every hope I had of staying on track yesterday. Instead of not snacking, I snacked all day, overate, and just couldn't stop. I felt so hungry!  Then last night I had a beer. :(

I couldn't figure out why I was so hungry all day yesterday. Then last night my throat started getting sore and I began to feel weak. I'm coming down with something. :(  I always feel like I'm starving when I'm sick. 

I woke up this morning STILL feeling sick. I'm actually still lying in bed. I want to go back to bed, but the hubs went for a run and the baby is up. I'm so jealous of his run. It's perfectly cool outside and he got to run outside by himself...heaven!  Hopefully when he gets back he'll let me just sleep. I feel like I need it. .

The roof, the roof...

...the roof is on fire. Well, not the roof, but my stove was!  Ugh. I had to eat crow yesterday. I'm always getting after my husband for leaving dish towels and pot holders on the stove. It's a bad habit and a fire safety issue.  Well yesterday, while I was cooking, I accidentally left a glass lid on a burner...AND I forgot to turn off the burner!  

The recipe I was making called for rice to be cooked for 5 minutes and then drained and added to a pan of chicken curry. I used pulled the rice off the stove to drain it and forgot to turn off the burner. Then after using the lid to drain it, I placed the lid on the lit burner while I poured the rice into the skillet. About 10 minutes later, my husband was in the other room and said he smelled plastic burning. I looked back at the stove and the lid was on fire!  I went to go grab the lid, but the handle was completely melted  and had dripped onto the burner itself which was on fire.  I grabbed a pot holder and picked the lid up from the side and placed it in the sink (disposal side). It was on fire, so I turned on the water to put it out and the glass shattered...going into the disposal. At this point the burner was still in fire, so I started pulling off the pieces and throwing them in th sink too and dousing with water.  It was all a mess. We spent the rest of the night scraping plastic off of all the metal and the hubs had to take apart the disposal to get the glass out. Lesson learned. (The hubs did feel the need to point out that I always get after him for leaving stuff on the stove. Touché.)

 

On a happier note, the baby slept in this morning until 5:52 AM and I made it to the gym!!  I managed a 2 mile run and 30 minute walk. I may attempt some yoga this afternoon while the baby naps and see if my daughter wants to do it with me!

Meals today were (will be)...bananas and peanut butter and chocolate for breakfast, left over curry and steak for lunch, and BBQ ribs, baked potatoe and corn on the cob for dinner. These are pretty hefty meals, so I'm really going to try and keep snacking to a minimum. 

My goals for the month were run 3

Times a week, and no alcohol for a week. I'm on track with both, but I'm considering extending the no alcohol to the whole month!  Yikes!  We'll see...

Murphy

Today was a rough day. It started with my  17 month old waking up in the middle of the night, and then he got up for the day at 5:00 AM. Needless to say, I've been exhausted all day. 

I spent the first part of the morning cleaning, doing laundry, ironing, putting away dishes, and feeding the kids...basically killing time until the gym daycare opened. However, by 8 the baby was exhausted. Full on, throwing himself on the floor, hissy fit exhausted. I decided to out him down for his nap early and spare the poor ladies at the daycare. 

He ended up sleeping 3 hours!  I should have woke him up after an hour and a half, but to be honest, I was enjoying the quiet time with my 8 year old. Right before he finally did wake up, my daughter asked if she could play with the neighbor kids. She gets so little time to play with the kids in the neighborhood since she spends time with her dad every other day, so I felt guilty about getting her to come home so I could go to the gym. 

Basically I was rationalizing why I shouldn't go to the gym because I was tired out of my mind.  I never did go to the gym and then on top of that, I over ate. :(

I was so hungry today!  I don't know why. The food I ate wasn't very appealing, but I just couldn't stop myself from eating. It seems I'm less hungry on days that I workout. Or maybe it's that I am allowed more calories on days I work out, so I actually get satisfied and don't feel like I'm depriving myself?  Either way, I MUST go to the gym tomorrow. That means I need to get I bed at a decent time tonight so I am not too tired to go. Nighty night!

Protein Powder

One thing I've noticed over the past few months is that I feel a lot less hungry when my Macro nutrient levels are 40/30/30 (carb, protein, fats).  However, I have a really hard time getting enough lean protein to meet this ratio, so I thought I'd try a protein powder. 

Yesterday, I finally went on the hunt for Protein powder and decided to try it. I found a GMO/soy free brand at a local health food store and bought two different flavor samples. Thank goodness I decided to just buy the samples and not spend $40+ dollars on a whole canister because it did nothing for my appetite. I was still just as hungry as I would have been if I wouldn't have had the powder. Two conclusions I came to: 1) the bulk of eating a chicken breast helps fill me up, and a protein shake doesn't hold the same bulk, and 2) chicken breasts are a lot cheaper per gram of protein than protein powder is!

I think I'll just stick to chicken breasts (or fish) and just precook them and keep them in the refrigerator to snack on and get my protein in.  Lesson learned. 

On another front, I've decided to put my scale away until August 1st!  Yesterday, I wrote about not sticking to a plan to give it time to work. This inconsistency is exacerbated by the scale and my emotional reaction to ups and downs. Well, this morning I weighed myself and it was back down. I decided to put it away while it was reading favorably and try to stick this plan out. I've tried to do this before and failed, so I'm taking the scale down to the basement to help me in resisting hopping on. 

Let's see how this goes. This morning's weight was 201.4, so we'll see where I'm at on August 1st!

Sticking To It

While I've been actively trying to lose weight for 16 months now, the only thing consistent about my plan is that it is consistently changing!  I've used this as a tool to stay motivated, but now I'm wondering if it's actually preventing me from reaching my goals. 

I haven't done any one thing long enough to give it a chance to work. For instance, I made a decision to not lift heavy and concentrate on cardio, diet, and yoga. Then today while I was in the treadmill, I found myself talking myself into heavy lifting!  I really enjoy lifting, I enjoy the sore muscles because they're a (relatively) immediate sign of doing something. When weight loss is so slow (or non existent at this point), I like feeling like I'm actually doing something. Depriving myself with no results suck. With lifting, the sore muscles let me know that I did something. 

I almost gave in and lifted.  Then I talked myself out of it. I need to give myself a month on this new plan to give it a chance. So instead, I decided to blog. ;)  I want to become more consistent...more consistent at blogging and more consistent at sticking to a plan. 

Reevaluation

I've been very good about sticking to my plan of running three times a week, and I made it to the gym four days!  (My youngest has had a low grade fever so we didn't go Friday.)  Even with all these fantastic workouts, I've GAINED 3 lbs in a week!

I've pushed myself hard this week. On Monday I ran and then did an intense lower body and ab workout. Tuesday I walked for an hour and lifted heavy weights for back and core. Wednesday I could barely move, literally, so I started out the day with 30 minutes of yoga (before the kids got up!). Then I went to the gym and did arms and swam laps. Thursday I did yoga, ran and did legs again.  Friday was a rest day and today I ran. Each day I also made it a point to walk 40 - 60 minutes with my kids (even Friday). With all that, I STILL gained. I'm so discouraged. 

My eating hasn't been the best. I made the mistake of buying nuts and animal crackers and have binged on both (mostly the animal crackers). I now know I won't be able to keep them in the house. :(

I mentally know that part of that 3 lbs is probably water weight, but I can't handle the gain. My weight just seems to keep creeping up instead of going down. I can't handle the gain mentally, even if it's just retained water, and fear that it will send me into poorer eating habits. So for now, I will be giving up on weight training. 

I read a blog regularly that is pro heavy lifting and boy does the writer look fantastic. They often say...sure you can lose weight just through cardio, but you will just be a smaller version of your flabby self (not a direct quote). At this point, I'll take the smaller version of my flabby self. It beats a larger version of myself any day. :(  So for now, I'll put the weights down and will continue with cardio. I'll also be adding yoga as I've fallen in love with it. Once I'm a smaller version, I'll then concentrate on lifting. 

So that's the game plan for now. Oh yeah, I'm adding a challenge this week too. No alcohol!  I've taken to having a glass of wine (and the obligatory snack that goes with it) every night once the kids are in bed. I need to cut this 280 calories out, so I'm challenging myself not to drink this week. I'll keep you up to date with how that goes!

Extended Stay

For the past 3 weeks we've had my in-laws from England staying with us. No, this isn't a bash my in-laws post, I actually love spending time with them. They're two of the kindest, insightful, funniest people I know. When I spend time with them I get to see where all of my husband's wonderful qualities come from!

There is a downside though, I didn't eat my best when they were here. Not their fault. I'm the one unable to say no to great food. This is the reason I don't normally keep it in the house. However, they're in their 70's, still very active for their age, but LOVE good food. My father-in-law has a sweet spot for good cheeses and my mother-in-law bakes fantastic desserts. ...and they're English, so there's always biscuits (cookies) in the house to go with tea. All things I have a hard time resisting. 

Now that I'm not working out of the house, I thought I'd be well on my way to shedding pounds and getting off this plateau. Instead, my eating has been horrible. Luckily, they like to walk, so we got in at least an hour of walking each day, which kept my weight relatively stable. 

Yesterday I got back on track with going to the gym and eating better. I did well with last month's baby step of getting 10,000 steps at least 4 days a week. This month I'm going to keep that baby step and add running at least 3 times a week. Let's hope this moves some lbs!

Learning To Hate Running

On the way to school this morning my daughter asked me to pause her favorite song, Let It Go to tell me something. I knew shit just got serious!  Then was heart broken when she told me "I love running at recess, but hate running in gym. I'm not fast. I'm no good at running. "

This really saddened me. We had worked so hard last year to build up mileage when she started soccer so he could enjoy soccer...even training for her first race!  She really enjoyed running. I was determined not to have her grow up hating running like I did. In an attempt to address this before she hates all running, I wrote her teacher....

"Dear Mrs. Formica,

Kennedy has been showing a lot of stress when it comes to gym class and running. She's concerned that she's not fast enough. As a child who hated running, the pressure of speed made me not want to run. 

It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I finally enjoyed running. It was no longer about speed. It was about improving just a little more each time, distance, and enjoying it!  That enjoying it part, no pressure, is what finally made running fun for me. And fun running is something that I will actually do. I'm now an avid runner, logging at least 10 miles a week. This is what I want for Kennedy. 

She's never going to be a Kenyan track star, but learning how to enjoy running she can do. Last year, she and I trained for the Chicago Hot Chocolate 2 mile fun run. She enjoyed the training, and loved the "race". It was about doing something healthy and enjoying it so you want to do it again. 

I'm not saying that she shouldn't push herself some and try to improve, but it's more important for her to love running than to be a speed demon.  After all, the health benefits of running a 12:00/mile and a 6:00/mile are actually the same. 

The reason that I'm writing is that I am asking, if it's possible to focus on improving and enjoying running in gym instead of just getting faster? So we can help foster a love for running and a lifelong habit?  

Any help or insight you may have is greatly appreciated. 

Respectfully,

_______ _______"

I will not allow my daughter to give up on herself because of a focus on competition instead of health. Here's hoping her teacher can understand and see it this way too. Fingers crossed!

Smiling makes me look fat

Today I had a friend tell me that smiling makes her look fat. Now, she didn't say it in those exact words, but that's what she meant. 

I posted a Facebook status saying everyone looks better with a smile. She commented that she disagreed. When she smiled, her face looked wider. I replied that it's just science...anytime you take a round object and stretch it, it's physically wider, but wider doesn't mean worse.  ...to which she replied that to her it did. 

This saddened me greatly. She's an absolutely stunning woman. The kind that others look at and think, she's really pretty. Yet somewhere, we, as a society, have taught her that anything that makes you bigger means you're worse...even a smile. :(

This reminds me a lot of Go Kaleo's book Taking Up Space. In the book, she talks about how women are taught to not take up space, be as little as possible, be as quiet as possible, be as less of YOU as possible. Whereas men are taught to take as much space as possible. Seriously, have you ever sat next to a man on an airplane? He demands his space and often yours too!!  Think about how men and women cross their legs, women cross there's to take up less space...men, stick their knee out far past their hips, their ankle resting on their thigh, with their foot past their other hip. He's allowed to take up space. Not only is he allowed to, but he's expected to!

We've got to change how we view ourselves. We have to demand our space. Know that smiling makes EVERYONE beautiful, a wide smile does not mean you're fat! 

Hunger

I can't seem to get my hunger under control today. My stomach feels full, but I still have that nagging feeling that I want to eat.  I'm trying really hard to pay attention to what my stomach is saying because I think my mind is tired and wanting food/fuel to stay awake. I really need to start getting more sleep!

Baby Steps

I listen to Dave Ramsey's podcast every morning on my commute to work. It's a call in show based on his Financial Plan book Total Money Makeover. 

The basis of the plan is to take baby steps to get out of debt and build financial security. The steps are simple and build on each other. The idea is that you can make lots of small changes that build into larger results. It's a good basic plan to make any life changes, not just financial!

I've decided to take these baby steps and apply them to weight loss. My first baby step I'm committing to is to get at least 10,000 steps in at least 4 days a week. I have a very sedentary job, so it's a step in the right direction. 

Since my job is sedentary, I needed to figure out how to get those steps in. I set a reminder on my outlook calendar to go off every hour to remind myself to get up and move. I then walk the halls for 5 minutes...back and forth. I'm pretty sure I'm going to wear a path in the carpet!  :) While 5 minutes doesn't sound like a lot, when I do it every hour, that's 7 times a day and equals 35 minutes!  I've also added walking half an hour on my lunch break if the weather permits. That's over an hour of walking at least 5 days a week AND it really makes the day much more enjoyable. I'm very excited about this baby step and thinking about what I can do for my next baby step!

Raining

I'm an incredible optimist. I write when things are going well. When things are going bad, I tend to crawl into my own head and hold it all in. That's why I haven't written in awhile. Things have been bad. 

I've put off writing this post for almost a month now. It's hard to write about and I don't know what to say so I'll just say it. On April 12th, after a week of suffering with RSV, we lost the baby. I miscarried at 11 weeks. 

It's hard enough to miscarry, it's devastating....but then you have to tell everyone....and it's devastating all over again. The hardest part though, has been when I tell people that I miscarried after having RSV, they say "I'm sorry to hear that."  Then they quickly follow up with "I didn't know adults could get RSV". I don't know why this bothers me so much. It's like they gloss over that I've just lost a child because I was "only" 11 weeks along. I even had someone tell me "well, better now then when you were further along". Seriously?!  It doesn't feel better. The devastation and sadness feels very real to me. (And YES!...adults can get RSV. It usually presents itself as a cold, but with my severe allergies, I have a compromised immune system when it comes to respiratory illnesses, so it presents itself very similar to how it does in children.)

So that's why I've been away from writing for so long. I'm having a hard time dealing with the loss of my child, and the potential loss of having anymore. At this point, I don't ever want to chance going through something like this again. :(

In relation to the emotional cross I'm bearing, I've gained 4 lbs. I hover back and forth over that dreaded 2 point. I've got to get this under control. I'm working on a plan, but talking about weight today seems so insignificant in this post. Maybe tomorrow. 

5 miles

The past few days have been difficult. I've felt very hungry and tired. I've done well making sure I still at least walk, but I got a little out I control with my eating the past two days. Having donuts (2 days in a row) in the office, and pizza on Friday, didn't help me one bit. In those two days, I gained a pound. 

This morning I got up early and went for a run outside. It was a little warmer than it has been (20 F), and there was something I haven't seen in awhile....the sun!  I wanted to run 5 miles, but told myself that if I ran at least 3, I would be happy. I felt a lot better on this morning's run than I did last week. I think not having to wear a face mask to run helped. My breathing is a little labored with the face mask, so I felt a lot better today. By mile 3, I was still feeling strong, so I decided to go for 4. As I approached 4 miles, I was getting tired, but knew I could pull out 5 if I didn't run close to my house, so I headed towards the back of my neighborhood to force me to run a full 5. It worked!  I feel very proud of myself.

Before I found out that I was pregnant, I had just upped my mileage to 5, and was on schedule to run 7 the next week. Since then, I've felt very tired and between the fatigue and cold have not kept up with my training schedule. This worries me a little about my training for the half marathon I'm registered for on May 18th!  I still have plans to run it, and if all else fails and I have to walk some, I'm ok with that too. My only goal is to keep moving, and not come out of this pregnancy 66 lbs up like I did my last!

Now...if only I can control my hunger today...

Nauseous

The past few days have been pretty good food and exercise wise. I've stuck to my goal of working out consistently so far, but I know it will soon get harder. 

I'm beginning to get out of breath more easily. Walking stairs winds me pretty badly, but I was able to run for 30 minutes consistently on Sunday. I was pretty proud of that, despite my pace being slower. I don't get why I can run, but 2 flights of stairs winds me. 

Fatigue has set in. On Monday, I was too tired to exercise. I couldn't do anything, but go to bed. And on Tuesday, I had a super busy day, and lead my daughter's Girl Scout meeting until 8pm. I was so exhausted, but I had already taken a rest day on Monday. So, after putting both kids to bed, I threw on my workout clothes and went to walk on the treadmill. I've made a commitment to not let one rest day turn into two, and so far, so good. 

On Monday I was 7 weeks + 3 days along and the nausea began already. I've felt a queasy feeling almost all day, every day since then. :(

On a brighter note, I'm maintaining my weight so far!

Bad Choices

I had been doing so good with my eating and exercising over the past week...until yesterday. Last night I was so tired I didn't workout at all. Not even the 40 minutes of walking that I had been substituting my runs for when I was too tired to run. Nope, last night I did nothing and went to bed early. I was exhausted. 

It was an exhausting day. I woke up and got the kids ready for school, then when I went to look for the baby's car seat, I couldn't find it. I called my husband to see if he knew where it was and that's when he realized it was in HIS car, an hour away and almost to his work!  We share the carrier car seat and he had picked the baby up from childcare, and when he got the baby out, he just in strapped him, instead of taking the whole carrier out. Thank goodness we had already purchased the convertible car seat when it was on sale, and had it in the basement, but exchanging the base of the carrier and installing the new seat made us run late. 

On top of all this, my 8 year old decided she wanted an omelet for breakfast. We were already running late and out of eggs, so I offered her cereal. The first three offerings she turned her nose up because she wanted an omelet. Fed up, I told her she was eating Cheerios, the plain kind. She moaned because it was plain, and I offered to add granola to it. She's just discovered granola and loves it, so this was an agreed to solution. Problem though, was my husband picked up a peanut butter granola and she was whining because she didn't want to eat it. I told her to eat it, she's not allergic to peanut butter, she's tasted it before and didn't go into convulsions, she just doesn't like the flavor. Well, I'm not sure if that is true anymore or not because as we're pulling into school to drop her off, she puked everywhere!  Thank goodness for baby wipes because I can't afford to miss another day of work with all the illnesses the baby has picked up from daycare. I had her clean herself off as best she could, then I got out and cleaned everything else up...and I sent her to school. Yep, Mom of the Year here. 

So that's how yesterday started, and then when I got to work, I was handed 15 state income tax extension applications that had to be mailed out the same day!!  So needless to say, my day didn't get any better. By the time I got home, I was too exhausted to work out and after we put the kids to bed, I went straight to bed too. I didn't prepare breakfast or lunch for the next day, so I was stuck eating from the work cafeteria. I did well for breakfast, but I chose horribly for lunch and had a chicken quesadilla on a wheat wrap. Then dinner was equally bad...Panda Express' Brown Rice bowl with beef and broccoli. I weighed myself and I'm up 6 lbs!  I'm sure a lot of it is water weight from the salt, but it still sucks. After not working out yesterday and eating horrible today, I had to break the cycle and I forced myself to walk tonight. 

All in all, I learned that I need to go to the grocery store more often and make sure we have good choices to choose from. Hopefully I can get back on track tomorrow!

Water works

Thank goodness the weight that was showing in the scale at night wasn't real weight gain!  I spent yesterday consuming more water than I've ever drank in a single day (about 10 glasses), and this morning, the weight was gone. Shew!

It's a good lesson to learn how important adequate water intake is. 

Today has been a rough day. I've felt very tired today and when I got home, I was so hungry, I went on a small binge (5 Chip Ahoy cookies and a croissant). I'm pretty sure the hunger was directly linked to my insane tiredness, but I couldn't nap because I was home alone with our 13 month old. 

It's now his bedtime, and I'm hitting the sack before I go on another binge!

WTH

I have been so good with my exercise and food, yet tonight (and last night) when I stepped on the scale, I was up 3 lbs than I normally am at night!  I'm pretty sure it's water weight and a slowed metabolism from pregnancy. This morning when I weighed, I was back down to normal, but it's still scary. 

I think I need to up my water intake to prevent this water retention. I'm really bad about getting enough water each day. Tomorrow, I'm going to make it a point to drink a glass every hour and see if that makes a difference. 

Tonight I worked out with my trainer. I could tell he did his research on training a pregnant woman. I'm his first pregnant client, so it's good experience for him, and I was happy to see he did his due diligence in research. We worked on some ab work that I won't be able to do in another 6 weeks. He wanted to get some stability muscles built to help me in the coming months. We also worked on some back strengthening exercises, again preparing for the changes my body will be making. It was a fabulous workout!  I'm going to miss it once these sessions run out. Due to preparing for me to be a SAHM, I can't justify the cost after these sessions run out. I've learned a lot though, and I'll continue keeping the strength training time on my schedule. 

Today I had to take a PTO day (Paid Time Off) due to the snow storm we had this morning. When I went to take the kids to school, the roads hadn't been plowed and I could barely tell where the road was!  After being rear ended in the week before last's winter storm commute, I decided my life was more important than accounting so I wasn't going to chance the 20 mile commute. I had plan on just working from home, but my boss said I had to take a PTO day. Fair enough, if I was going to have to use one of my vacation days, you bet your bottom that I won't be doing ANY work...month end close deadlines or not!  So instead, I did laundry, had lunch with my husband (he worked from home), and took a 3 hour nap! I must say, I enjoyed my day off. :)

This doesn't help

Work donuts. Today's goal is to just resist these!

So far, so good.

The past week's eating and exercise has been pretty good. The one thing about tracking my calories in MFP (My Fitness Pal) is that it really helps me make healthier choices most of the time. Since I'm trying not to over eat, I'm really conscious of making my calories count nutritiously. Last night when I was packing today's lunch I noticed that I had quite a bit of risotto in my container. This, along with the Johnsonville brat wasn't very vitamin rich. So, I took some of the risotto out and added a cup of fresh spinach!  When I reheat it, the spinach should wilt nicely and be delicious. 

Another change we're making now is prepping for me to be a stay at home mom after this baby is born. I finally finished our budget, and woah. The amount of money we're spending on cable is ridiculous. So, we're researching getting rid of the cable and only keeping the high speed internet and Netflix. That should save around $100/month. 

I also noticed that we spend a LOT of money on what I call Work Meals. These are meals we eat either at our work canteen or out to eat during work hours (this includes driving to or from work). In an attempt to severely cut this out, the hubs and I have made it a challenge to see who can spend the least this month on Work Meals so we are packing our breakfast and lunch. 

Tonight is a rest day, so no exercise on the schedule. My daughter and I (I'm her Troop leader) have Girl Scouts tonight, so there's really no time for working out. The good thing...it really limits the time for mindless snacking too!  Before I left for work, I put beef stew in the crockpot to preempt the pizza I know my husband likes to make in Girl Scout days!  He's going to be so disappointed. :P

New Focus & A Brave Stance

I mentioned last time that my focus on losing weight has taken a turn and I will now focus on maintaining. I didn't mention why the change of heart because I fear a backlash. 

You see, I just found out that we're going to have our 3rd child come October!  And I'm going to do something I didn't do with #1 & #2....I'm going to attempt to maintain my weight for the majority of the pregnancy. I know that there will be people that say that you shouldn't "diet" while pregnant. And I could use semantics and say that I'm just going to eat healthy (which is part of the plan), but I'm going further than that. I will be tracking all of the food I eat, and limiting my intake to the amount of calories needed to sustain my weight, plus the 300 calories in the last trimester needed for the baby.

Does this mean I'll be perfect?  No. And if I feel like I need to eat more, I'll add the calories in lean meats and vegetables. What I vow not to do is gain the 50-66 lbs that I did with the last two!

My goal is to only gain the 11 recommended pounds for someone who is already obese. I will be logging my food daily, I will be running until I can no longer run, and I will be getting some form of exercise at least 5-6 days a week. For now, I will keep working out with my trainer once a week and focusing on strength training. And I will do it while journaling here. 

When we decided to have another child, I wanted to prepare for a healthy pregnancy, so I went online looking for blogs where pregnant women talked about controlling their food intake and exercising while pregnant, and they are few and far between. My guess is that it's a taboo subject and they fear the backlash from the public that they are harming their baby. I fear that I will be trolled and hear the same. My saving grace is that I will be working closely with my obstetrician and monitoring the baby's growth while I do this....and my hope that this blog will help others. 

A New Focus

Well, yesterday I found out some news (great news!) that has changed my health focus. I will no longer be working on losing weight, but building muscle and maintaining my weight. 

I will continue to see my trainer for the next month, but I'm not sure if I will continue past that. He's expensive (as are all trainers) and my family and I are working on creating and sticking to a budget (thanks Dave Ramsey podcasts!). I've learned a lot from my trainer, and I feel confident enough to fly solo after this next month. 

In an effort to be more consistent with my workouts, I've decided to commit to going to the gym directly after work on Monday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I've found that if I make it home, I won't workout because I'm too tired. I've put this schedule on both my AND my husband's calendar so he knows that he has to pick the kids up on those days. Fingers crosses that this will get me back on track!

Slow going

Yesterday after my workout with my trainer, I decided to take a picture of myself to compare it to one that I took in the fall. I haven't lost much weight since then (I was 197.2), and yesterday I weighed 193.6. I think the weight lifting is helping though. Or maybe I'm just wanting to see a difference. Tell me what you think.

Ba-hum-bug

Today was awful. The baby was up half the night. He sounds like he's coming down with something. The lack of sleep left me in a horrible mood. I didn't have any coffee, and found myself starving before I walked out the door, so I grabbed a Girl Scouts Thin Mint. I then proceeded to stop at McDonald's fora small hazelnut coffee, which was not in my meal plan either. 

When I got to work, I saw that everyone had brought in treats for Valentine's Day. I was still starving, so I grabbed a handful of Bugles. 

At this point, I knew I needed to go get my veggie omlette before I ate too many treats. I managed to do well until lunch time. Today, the finance team was invited to lunch in the canteen downstairs by the CFO. We were supposed to eat at noon. By noon I was starving...but noon came and went and the CFO didn't show up. Around 12:15 I had to eat something. I was feeling shaky, so I grabbed another handful (or 2) of Bugles and a cookie. When I went back to my desk to eat it, my boss informed me that the CFO wanted to go at 12:30. 12:30 came..12:31...12:32...12:33...12:34...12:35.....finally, at 12:36 he stepped out of his office and was ready to go. Despite snacking, I was still starving. 

Lunch wasn't too bad; a small piece of beef loin, asparagus, and garlic mashed potatoes. 

By dinnertime, I was starving again. The hubs went all out on a Valentine's meal, but it took forever to cook. In the meantime, I partook in the wine that he bought to go with the veal, some cheese, and a lot of French bread. I was awful. 

I feel like I'm on this never ending battle of great intentions, but I just can't pull it together and resist temptation as the day grows long. And...I'm disappointed that despite going to bed earlier, I'm still tired AND the scale is not budging. :(

On a happier(?) note, Wednesday's strength training is still kicking my butt and every muscle in my body is sore, so I know I worked hard. I need to do another side by side picture comparison since the scale hasn't budged, to see if I'm making any Non Scale progress 

Stuffed

My Polar Loop says I got 7 hours and 40 minutes of sleep last night, but I woke up this morning even more tired than normal. How can that be??!!

My activity was low today, I only reached 4,600 steps, which is only 38% of goal. The one thing this activity tracker has taught me is that I move even less than I thought I did. :(

For dinner tonight we had modge lodge pasta...basically, we used the left over vegetables (spinach, tomatoes, and Brussels), pan seared them with garlic and olive oil and then added pasta. It was delicious, but I feel like it out me into a food coma. The past two nights I've gone into dinner feeling like I had a good amount of energy, and then after getting up from the table I'm so tired I feel like I could pass out. I need to research why this is happening. I'm suspecting high carbohydrate meals are zapping my energy. I may need to experiment with cutting carbs down at night, and I want to research the biochemistry that is making me feel like this. 

Tonight will be another early night for both me and the kids. The girl child came home whiny today, which is always a sign that she hasn't gotten enough sleep this week. 

Lastly, I'm still going strong on the Samoa resistance!  It's been 4 days since I opened the box and I've only had 2 TOTAL!  Yay!

Plateaus and Cookies

The past few months have been hard. I've found it difficult to find the energy to workout when I get home and therefore have only been working out about 3 times a week. For some this may seem like a good amount to exercise, but for me it's not. I have a very sedentary job and an hour and a half of commuting time each day. To give an idea of how little I move during the day, on days that I don't workout, I only manage around 3,000 steps on my activity tracker. The goal is 10,000, so I'm getting less than 30% of my goal activity in. 

This has made it very hard to lose weight. I've been relatively stable weight wise...too stable. I've been plateau'd since before the holidays!  It's so discouraging. :(  My only bright spot is that I haven't gained!

I've got to do something to get more exercise in. I've been doing little things like taking the stairs at work, and staying on my feet when I get home. This has had a very positive impact on my family. I'm helping out a lot more with the housework and cooking and relieving some of the duties from my husband. He's one of those people that never sits down, so he's been picking up a lot of my slack...and I've let him. 

For the past two days, I've been really helping out around the house, doing my fair share. We even cooked together last night. By me being an equal partner, it's changed my quality of life (I'm proud to be helping and therefore happier), and his quality of life (he doesn't hold resentment when I'm sitting down and he's doing all of the cooking and cleaning). When I was off work, I did most of the cooking and cleaning, but since I've been back to work, I've found it hard to muster the energy for a full days work and housework when I get home. Going to bed a little earlier has helped, but the bottom line is that I just needed to Just Do It. 

In other news....my daughter sells Girl Scouts cookies and they came in this week...and I managed to open one of our boxes and only eat ONE!  As someone who thinks Samoas main ingredient is crack, I'm very proud of myself!  We bought 5 boxes and I'm going to try and be very good with them. Fingers crossed. 

Weight lifting

So far I've completed 4 of the 5 training sessions I paid for at my gym. I got off to a rocky start. I had originally scheduled them for Saturday mornings, but he had training for a triathlon he's completing this spring scheduled at the same time. I tried to work around the schedule and suggested a Sunday, but he can't work Sundays. We finally settled on Wednesdays after work. 

The first training session went well, I was able to complete every move he gave me. He's not much of a talker, and we have nothing in common except running, so conversation is a little forced. I figure I'm not paying him for conversation though, and the workout kicked my butt! I was sore enough to definitely feel it for a few days, but not too sore that I couldn't take care of the kids. 

The second session was canceled due to him being sick and we decided to just make it up the following week. 

Makeup session 2 and session 3 and 4 went well. I got a very good workout each time and am adding some new exercises to my toolkit. My favorite part so far is that he gives me exercises that work my abs without having to lie down on the floor. Score!  I always hate working out on my back. I feel like a stuck whale. 

I has to cancel on session 5 and we'll make it up this week. I had a very bad case of viral gastroentisis that made me feel like, er...wish, that I would just die. It was awful. Luckily, I shared the joy with my husband and we were both immobile in bed. We couldn't move or think. Thank goodness there is 8 years between the kids because we were able to out the girl child in charge of the boy. Here's her in charge of the boy:

Trainer Evaluation

This past Saturday, I had my first meeting with a Personal Trainer at my gym. It was just the initial assessment, and it went exactly as I expected. My cholesterol's great, my blood pressure and heart rate are good, my BMI is way too high, and my flexibility sucks. All exactly as I predicted. Oh, except I've lost 3 lbs. No, not 3 real lbs, their scale is just 3 lbs under my home scale. I hadn't really lost anything - I had weighed myself at home before I went and I was steady with my previous weigh in. 

During our consultation, he tried to pin me down to measurable goals. I explained to him that I'm focused on increasing strength, balance and flexibility and not a particular weight. I explained to him that I wanted to lose about 40 more pounds, but I wasn't concerned if it took me a year or two years to do it in. All I am concerned with is making sure it's the last time I lose this "last" 40 lbs.  He still tried to pin me down to a specific amount of lbs in a specific period of time, but I'm not falling into that trap...for the same exact reason that I'm not making a new resolution. 

No New Resolution

The past few days have gone well food-wise for me. I've managed to avoid binging. There's still chocolate in my office...all 10 POUNDS of it, but every time it calls my name I've had a plan. 

I've noticed that my biggest binge time is actually AFTER a meal. I'm not hungry, but I still want to eat. After lunch is the worst. So, in order to combat the urge, I do what I did last Friday. I allow myself one small piece, and then put another small piece in a coffee cup and use it to make coffee. This allows me to consume the chocolate flavor slowly, and gives my stomach time to tell my brain it's no longer hungry. So far, this is working. I don't know how long it will work for, and I may need to eventually add more tools to my arsenal, but for right now, it's working, and I'm thankful for that. 

Well, another year has passed, and another year without making a new resolution. Typically, I would make some kind of diet or exercise resolution, but that's never worked for me before and as I now see my health as something I'm going to continue to have to work on for the rest of my life, I don't see the point in making a resolution. 

The idea of a new resolution has lost it's impact over time. Resolution is a firm decision to do or not to do something. It comes with the connotation that if you break the resolution, then all is lost. For me, it's just not a realistic way to look at eating habits and exercise. I'm human. I'm going to make poor eating choices, and I'm going to have days where I'm too tired to workout.  When these days happen, I want to forgive myself, move on, and try again...the very next meal/day. I don't want to wait a year to make a new resolution. I'm in this for the long haul.